Attention Followers.

I'm starting a new chapter in my life and with that I need a change when it comes to how I write and where I write... I don't know if it's going to be permanent but I am going to try things out at Wordpress. I am so incredibly thankful for those of you have followed me over the years, those of you who have not only been internet followers but have also become encouragers and friends. So I invite you to continue this blogging relationship and follow me to a new beginning. I promise to do the same. :)

In the Review Mirror.

I pull out of the driveway of the house I have lived in for almost my entire life. There is a brand-new feeling in the pit of my stomach. It is unknown and uncombated, I know not how to cope with its influence. My car is in reverse but my life is moving ahead. I realize I will never live there again. The basement room I've called my own will now be used for guests, myself included. Future visits will be spent with suitcase in tow. The empty closets have bid me farewell. Gone are weeks and months spent there with nowhere else to go, nowhere else to be. I stare in the "review mirror" as I drive away -- leaving behind who I've been and where I've belonged for so long.

The tears come as they usually do - sprung from a few simple words on the screen, in my ears: You continue to be one of the most amazing people I have ever met. I needed to spend time with you more than you know. The goodbye waves in the driveway they just resonate and a trembling silence fills the air. I have barely left town and already the truth pulls me back - I am missed; I am loved. I drive down the highway through foggy vision. I leave behind pieces, yet take with me memories and the assurance of people who will never let me go. I replay everyday spent through the weekend -- running down the streets I've grown to love with her, sharing ice cream with friends, laughing until I can't breathe, riding in his truck talking about life, freezing memories together through a lens, crying as we say goodbye. They say that leaving gets easier with time, but I don't know how. It is never easy to walk away from the people and the places that you love.

My future awaits in the distant. The horizon signals unforeseen destinations and sings an unfamiliar tune. I look again in the review mirror, wishing for moments that have already gone. I'm stuck in the middle -- driving toward possibility and onward from familiarity. I will spend days clicking through photos and listening to somber songs. Transition is only hard when where you've been is as important as where you're going. It hurts because I've dared to feel. It aches because I've been privileged to love. Nostalgia sets in because I have touched truth and tasted authenticity. I have believed in a place in time; that place molded me into who I am. I have given my heart to people; those people have filled me with things I never even knew I needed.

On my journey, there are the things I take with me: Laughter; the little comments, random conversations, and silly circumstances that bring a smile to my face simply upon remembering their happening. It is the laughter that helps me breathe. Faces; those lights in the middle of this new adventure, reminding me they're by my side, giving me the courage to believe in myself, because they believe in me. Truth; the words God gives to me everyday through His message and the words of others, renewing my mind and equipping me with strength. Memories; the things I once desired are now among the things I will keep forever, hidden away in my heart for safekeeping. The beautiful thing about memories is they can never be taken from you and there are always more to be made. Tears; for often tears can be happy or sad, yet either is simply a type of cleansing, of healing, of shedding a feeling to make room for another. The tears make me stronger; they help me feel.

I reach my destination and look in the review mirror for the last time. I see sky, and I realize it is the same here, there, and everywhere. We are all connected; we are all people on our own journeys, but we are never alone. For paths cross, intersect, and merge -- for moments, for years, forever. There is nothing we leave behind that isn't a part of where we go. There is nowhere we will go where what we leave behind will not serve to empower us in some way. Our lives are a string of destinations, but they are all connected.

I am where I have never been. Still, I take with me people - for distance only separates as far as one lets it. And I take with me myself - for I am the same person here as there, although my surroundings change, inside I remain the same. Fear of the unknown will never replace my desire to feel, to know, to love. And so, I look ahead.

Tell the Truth.

The room was filled with conversations we weren't having.

I wanted to tell him he was more than just a friend, that he had always been more than just a friend. Every late night conversation, every laughter-soaked car ride, every tear-filled goodbye -- they had all meant more than what we'd said. I wanted to tell him about the night we spent lying on my living room floor after too many... how when we had drifted off to sleep, I had awoken to his arm around me. I wanted to tell him he wanted me too.

She wanted to tell someone that sometimes she threw up the things she ate. Not because she had to, because she wanted to -- because she thought it would make a difference. She wanted to tell someone that she had never felt skinny enough, not even back in high school when her body resembled a twig like all the other girls, not even when she had been in the best shape of her life. She had always been self-conscious. She wanted to tell someone she was scared of gaining weight. She wanted to tell someone she didn't feel beautiful.

He wanted to tell them he was leaving, that he had enlisted in the Armed Forces. He wanted to tell them that he loved them but that he didn't belong. He wanted to tell them he was running away, but telling them would defeat the point of the mission. He wanted to tell them how his father said he would never amount to anything, that he was too much of a coward to stand up for himself. He wanted to tell them he was standing up for his country. He wanted to tell them it was because nothing else mattered anymore.

He wanted to tell her he didn't want to be that guy anymore. He wanted to tell her that he was done sleeping around, that he had never really enjoyed it in the first place, at least not to the extent he said he did. He wanted to tell her how he used to be. He wanted to tell her he believed in the same things she believed -- in God, in purity, in love, and in relationships. He wanted to tell her he could change. He wanted to tell her she was worth changing for. He wanted to tell her she would be his last conquest.

She wanted to tell them that she had a drinking problem. It was more than what they saw on the weekends; it happened on nights where she was alone. She wanted to tell them all the times she had drunk herself into a stupor -- all the times she thought she had gone too far, the hours spent yakking on the bathroom floor. She wanted to tell them she was buzzed now, that she had snuck off during the movie to take some shots. She wanted to tell them she was an alcoholic. She wanted to tell them she needed them to still be her friend.

I wanted to tell them the truth. The kind that wrecks your soul, yet leaves you begging for more. I wanted to give them authenticity, if only they were willing to give it back. I wanted to tell them life's too short for secrets. I wanted to tell them only truth would matter in the end. The words of wisdom I clung to in private were ringing in my head, and still I said nothing. I wanted to tell them the truth, but nobody is ever ready for the truth.

The room was filled with conversations we weren't having.

Daddy's Little Girl.

When I was a little girl, my Dad would tuck me in at night. I was quite demanding for a girl my age. There was music to be wound -- two boxes that twirled and a small lamb that played. The lack of harmony never crossed my mind; they were sounds of comfort in the darkness. It never failed that I would ask for a glass of water, sooner than later my Dad learned to have it ready. And, I couldn't sleep without my teddy; Bear Bear was always the companion at my side. My Dad never missed a beat, never let an animal go unfound or music box unturned. In closing, he would tuck me in "snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug," tell me he loved me, and turn out the light. I was always Daddy's little girl.

I went skiing for the first time when I was about five years old. It was soon become the tribute to "father-daughter" time. I can still remember my purple edgie-wedgie, a small piece of rubber hooking the front of my skis together, forcing me to naturally snow plow down the mountain. I remember his patience in teaching me. I also remember the car rides - it was the only time I distinctly remember country music being a part of my childhood. And, somehow, it created a bond between my Dad and me. The drive was only an hour, but we would stop for some treat on the way back -- hot chocolate, candy, or something of the sort. He always packed us lunch, because the slope food was overpriced, and he'd carry it in a little blue cooler, perfect for two. Weekends on the slopes turned into ski trips with mutual friends, conquering "big mountains" in Colorado. I haven't skied for years, but I treasure those moments with my Dad as if they were yesterday.

My childhood is full of adventures with my family -- my Dad standing as the leader over all. Hiking Harney Peak three years in a row, raining on us every time. Weekend camping trips equipped with endless games, laughter, and good food. He never left a detail unthought of. He was prepared for everything, or at least, that's the picture my memory paints for me now. My dad -- the protector, the hero, the one could fix anything. Fishing trips and days at the beach; catching nothing or catching too much sun. It never mattered. We were a family, and together we were happy. The adventure wasn't important, as long as it was being conquered. Even the adventure around our table, sharing scripture in the mornings before my brother and I went to school. The faithful way my dad drove us to church every Sunday. He was a leader, not only as a father and a husband, but as a man of God.

My Dad always pushed me to be my best, and he always lended whatever expertise he had to help me accomplish my goals. I remember nights at the kitchen table, pouring over math equations, or hours spent finding me the right doctors and the right shoes to make my high school running days as pain-free and optimal an experience as possible. He was always there -- cheering me on, pushing me to do better, loving me no matter what. He accepted me for who I was. When I chose to pursue a college education he wouldn't have chosen, he did his best to provide me the adequate resources to make sure it was the best experience possible. When I wanted to transfer schools, he drove the hours with me. The important decisions were made together. My dad pushed me to be my best, and I let him because I have always looked up to him.

Now that I'm getting older I see things I didn't get to see then. The way he loves my mother. The way he loves me and my brother. His gentle heart. His quiet spirit. His attention to detail. His silent way of seeking God -- the way his faith arises in moments spent with family and friends. He thinks before he speaks, and speaks with eloquence when he does. I see the way he has not only pushed me, but the way he pushes himself. He sets goals and he completes them. I get to talk to him, not only as my Dad but as my friend. We share a glass of wine over dinner and talk as if the world will never end. I call him for advice. I call him for answers on simple things, like how to cook a steak. I can come to him in tears. I can come to him with smiles. He is always there, with open arms and a supportive answer. He guides me as I grow. He quizzes me for "big-girl" interviews, and sends me money for professional attire. He tells me that God has a plan; he encourages me to keep praying for the way to go.


My dad is the first man I ever gave my heart to. It's going to take someone amazing, someone completely from God, to force me to give my heart again in the same way. My dad is the best father a girl could ask for, and I know my mother would say he is a great husband. Those are some large shoes to fill, ones I am not quite ready to set out on the market. I like the spot my dad has in my life -- where he is on my speed dial and how he's still the one that can fix everything.

I have always been Daddy's little girl, and I always will be.

What We Were; What We Will.

There was once a certainty in the unknown -- dreams we dreamed without knowing if they'd ever come true. We were bound to be school teachers, firefighters, doctors, and laywers. We believed in what we couldn't know. We were young and naieve; it was what made us strong. There was no one to tell us "No," and if they did, we paid them no attention. We were who we were. We were stubborn and headstrong; we were determined and curious. There was once a time that we dreamed dreams because it was all we knew. We did what we wanted, and longed to grow into our imaginations.

They warned us we would wish to be young again. They told us things would change. We only saw certainty in the things we knew then. We couldn't possibly see the truth in the unknown. They told us we had our whole lives to grow up; they told us to enjoy being young. We didn't know how to listen. We couldn't listen. We thought we knew it all. They told us to enjoy it slowly. We only knew how to live fast -- too fast.

We were once reckless and free -- living in moments we thought would never fade. We acted impulsively, with stupidity and passion. There was no one to stop us; there was no one who could. We ignored the rules and made our own. We stole kisses in the night, pretended they had never happened in the morning. We danced until our legs were bound to break. We crossed locked fences and forgot to sleep. There was laughter and tears; there was tears from the laughter. We held hands and shared hugs, thinking it would never end. We were crazy for youth, oblivious to reality. There was once a world for us, untouched and protected.

They tell us we have to move on. They tell us that we will find others who understand us. We are still stubborn and determined. We tell them we will hold on -- forever, even if it kills us. The memories and secrets shared are enough to keep us together. Somewhere along the way we stopped being friends and became a family. We're growing up, but our hearts are still young. The dreams that we're dreaming will be shared. Distance is a challenge but not a deal-breaker. There is still a certainty in the unknown, because no matter where life takes we know we'll still have each other.

They tell us nothing can stay this great. We tell them they're right -- because it can only get better.

If Forever Was a Place.

You told me we could stay here forever.

We're lying in the bed of your '69 rusty red Chevrolet, on top of the blankets you brought. To keep us warm, you said. You get on top of me, and still, I'm shaking. You bring your lips slowly and softly down to mine. We're lying in the bed of your pick-up truck. I know what happens next. Even though I've never done it before, I know. My chills disappear along with my clothes. Your touch is tender and vigorous all at once. I breath in deep the smell of sweat. I close my eyes and feel you. This is what it's like to make love.

You told me we could stay here forever.

We're lying in an oversized king sized bed in some fancy hotel I can't remember the name of. The most romantic honeymoon spot in Europe, you said. All that matters is that you're mine forever. I kiss you like its the first time. I know what happens next. You make me fall in love with you, again and again. We laugh and talk about where we'll be ten years from now. How many kids we'll have. A big house in the country. We've always been dreamers. You kiss me and tell me you love me. This is what it's like to belong.

You told me we could stay here forever.

We're lying on our living room floor, paint covering our clothes. New paint can't fill the emptiness, you said. The kids are gone. We're alone again. You reach over and grab my hand. I want us to be us again. I squeeze your hand. I know what happens next. We will find each other, the way we did in the beginning. We will rediscover things we don't even know we've forgotten. We've lost some of the spark but none of the love. I tell you I want excitement again. You tell me I can have whatever I want. This is what it's like to know someone.

I tell you I will stay here forever.

You're lying on a stark white hospital bed, where you've been for the last three months. I'm going to be fine, you said. We both knew that was a lie. Cancer is a word people can't take lightly these days. I sit by your bedside. I tell you a story about a boy and a girl in a red Chevrolet. I tell you they are young and in love. I tell you their love will last forever. I know what happens next. I lean down and kiss you for the last time. I hear you take your last breath. We will meet again, I say. The tears roll slowly and softly down my cheek. This is what it's like to lose your love.

Spelunking.

Here is where we find each other.
the forty-two acre landscape,
dotted by pine trees,
scarred from coals and
ash-covered tree branches
charred by campfires.
empty beer bottles hidden in the
overgrown grass, a shallow river
running over rocks.
behind there is the cave,
our private door to exploration.
there in the dark,
mud stains our clothes,
our inhibitions left at the door.
Here is where we find each other.
dust covered fingertips intertwine,
our lips lock - breathing in
musty air and the taste of saliva.
only sounds of singing birds,
wind circling through,
reaches our ears as
our tongues speak lullabies
to each other in silence.
out here - nature is our haven,
away from it all, we become one.
Here is where we find each other.

Was weeding through some of my old writing and I found this poem... November 2008

Fear Not.

Joshua 1:5-9 "No one will be able to oppose you successfully as long as you live. I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will never neglect you or abandon you. Be strong and courageous, because you will help these people take possession of the land I swore to give their ancestors. Only be strong and courageous, faithfully doing everything in the teachings that my servant Moses commanded you. Then you will succeed wherever you go. Never stop reciting these teachings. You must think about them night and day so that you will faithfully do everything written in them. Only then will you prosper and succeed. I have commanded you, 'Be strong and courageous! Don't tremble or be terrified; for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.'"

There is a battle that wages every day of our lives. It is not a battle between one country to the next. It is not the battle between you and your parents, you and your friends. It is not the battle to get up in the morning, to go to work, to be productive. This is a battle far greater than you and I will ever be able to understand. This is a battle of epic proportions. This is a battle between good and evil - and it's spiritual. This is a battle between our God and the lies of Satan and the world. And it happens every single day.

Every day you're alive Satan is fighting to take control of your heart -- to believe that what the world has to offer, what he has to offer, what you feel, is far greater than anything God could possibly ever give to you. Satan wants to deceive you. He wants to take every lie you believe, every fear, every doubt, every question and let them run your life. He wants your life. And he uses the your weak areas, the areas you're not willing to give to God, to gain precedence. He plays to our weaknesses. He gives us what we think we want. Turns out, we really don't know what we want at all. At least, not in the way we think we want it.

Every day you're alive, God stands at the front lines and battles the Prince of Darkness. Every day God showers us with blessings and the hope of His promises -- we just have to be willing to see them. He is fighting the battle for us, and all we have to do is trust that He's going to keep us alive. He will never let us down. He is strong when we're weak. He is loving when we're alone. He is faithful when we're not. He wants your life. And, if you let Him have it, He is going to win -- over and over and over again. He exceeds our expectations. He has nothing to prove, but He proves it anyway. He proves that He is love. He proves that He is faithful. He proves that He is strong. He proves that He has His hand in our lives, even if we don't believe it. He is the Author, and if you let Him hold the pen, He's going to make sure Satan is only a footnote in your redemption tale.

God uses Satan to point out the areas we need Him the most. And if we acknowledge that, we are simply set up with opportunities to see how God blesses us when we hand everything over to Him. There is a battle going on, but there is nothing you need to fear. All you have to do is call on God and He will be there. Be strong and courageous -- don't let the lies hinder you from seeing the Truth. Don't let the weight of the world disguise the beauty of our Savior. Don't let your emotions dictate your life, because they will lead you astray. Be strong and courageous -- believe in Him and what He says, for once He gives you a blessing it can never be taken away.

Find comfort in the word of the Lord -- meditate on it, day and night. Let Him be the focal point for every moment, every decision, every question. When He is at the center, you can trust that He will provide you with the wisdom and discernment you need to find the answer, to lean on Him and what He has to say, to follow where He leads. When He is at the center, no one will take your life, or any piece of it. When He is at the center, you will find that He actively intercedes according to His will because the fact of the matter is that He knows best and has a better ending than you could possibly envision for yourself.

The Greatest Fairy Tale.

"It is a world of magic and mystery, of deep darkness and flickering starlight. It is a world where terrible things happen and wonderful things too. It is a world where goodness is pitted against evil, love against hate, order against chaos, in a great struggle where often it is hard to be sure who belongs to which side because appearances are endlessly deceptive. Yet for all its confusion and wildness, it is a world where the battle goes ultimately to the good, who live happily ever after, and where in the long run everybody, good and evil alike becomes known by His true name... That is the fairy tale of the Gospel with, of course, one crucial difference from all other fairy tales, which is that the claim made for it is that it is true, that it not only happened once upon a time but has kept on happening ever since and is happening still." - Frederick Buechner

We grew up believing in fairy tales. As little girls, we submerged ourselves into the lives of characters like Bell, Ariel, and Cinderella. We grew up believing that love conquers all, that good triumphs over evil, and that someday our prince would come to sweep us off our feet. As little boys, we saw what it was like to be a true man -- to rescue the endangered princesses, to battle the villains, to risk our lives for a greater good. Girls had the desire for affection. Boys had the desire for adventure. We grew up believing in fairy tales -- believing that one day we would get to experience one of our own. The truth is that there is a fairy tale out there for every one of us. The lie is that it can be found within the world's definitions of love and sacrifice. We engage in battle every day -- the battle between adhering to the world's standards or drowning ourselves in a love unlike any other.

We all have a yearning inside of us. It is a yearning for intimacy, beauty, and adventure. It is a yearning for a fairy tale kind of romance. It is a desire for a story so grand, that no one can touch its magnificence, its magic, its appeal. We desire the kind of story that others long to have -- the kind that is told for generations to come. From early on in our lives, we look for it. We look for it in our relationships, in our successes, in our personal image. We look to it in moving to the right places, in going on certain trips, in engaging with strangers. Life is a mystery we are constantly trying to solve. We open doors waiting for the fairy tale to greet us on the other side. With every disappointment, we open another door, certain that this will be the one we've been waiting for. We all have a yearning, but chances are we have been looking in the wrong places to find our fairy tale.

If love is about sacrifice and caring for another more than yourself, than I would ask what is the greatest sacrifice that can be given? The answer is simple: your life. And there is only One who gave His life for everyone. God loved the world this way: He gave his only Son so that everyone who believes in him will not die but will have eternal life. There is no sacrifice greater than that. Which means, there is no love greater than that. It is a love that is given freely, without expecting anything in return. It is a love that never fades. It is a love that cannot be taken away. It is a love that conquers evil. It is a love that rescues us from darkness. It is a love that restores what has been lost. It is a perfect love that casts out all fear.

Does that sound like a fairy tale? It does to me, because it sounds too good to be true. And that's what fairy tales are made of right? Things we can't comprehend -- Magic. Power. Triumph. The difference between who God is and what all other fairy tales consist of is the Truth. Everything He is will always remain the same. Everything He promises will never be taken away. In this fairy tale, God is the storyteller, and He is writing the most beautiful of tales. And perhaps it is a bit of magic - we can't understand how it comes to be or comprehend why it exists, but we know its there. Because we see it, because we feel it, because it lives inside of us. God gives us all the things we've ever wanted.

He show us that love does conquer all -- His love conquers all. He triumphs over every evil. He rescues us every day. He brings us adventure. He equips us with the strength to battle the world. He gives us intimacy and comfort unlike any other. His love is greater than any other. When we call, He answers. When we fall, He picks us up. When we are weak, He is strong. He saves us - over and over and over again. He reassures us. He tells us that we are enough -- beautiful enough, strong enough, worthy of everything He wants to give us. His love is patient, and kind. It is not jealous, it is not boastful, it is not proud. His love is not rude or self-seeking. His love keeps no record of wrongs. His love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the Truth. His love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. His love never comes to an end. His love is yours if you want it.

There is a beautiful fairy tale waiting for you. It is your own to have - a beautiful song orchestrated just for you, sweeter than anything you have ever heard. It is a fairy tale that will fulfill your deepest desires. It is a fairy tale that will satisfy the longings of your heart. It will quench everything you need. It will satisfy every hunger. It will fill you with a joy you've never before known. If you let God love you, the way He wants to love you, you will find you will experience love in other places as well. When we are full of God's love for us we are able to love others the way He loves us. The fairy tale can transform every part of your life. God's fairy tale can change who you are. God's fairy tale can give you a story others will long to be a part of.

We all grew up believing in fairy tales. But somewhere along the way we lost the magic we used to believe in. We gave up hope. We let go of our deepest wishes. We compromised for love. We settled for a safe adventure. Just because we get older doesn't mean the magic has to fade. In reality, it is time to let the magic grow. It is time for the fairy tale to be reignited within us. It is time for God to take control of our lives. It is only then that we will see good at the work of His hands. It is only then that our lives will be wrecked with a love so beautiful we can hardly believe it to be true. It is only then that we will find we have everything we could ever need. It is only then that the world loses the battle. It is only then that we believe we are enough -- because God is more than enough for us. He wants to give each and every one of us a fairy tale romance -- where good always wins and love always grows.

Psalm 103

Praise the Lord, my soul. Do not grow weary at the weight of life upon your shoulders. Do not hide yourself in the darkest places. You are not alone. You never have to be alone. Do not let the world entrap you with its lies. Do not wallow in the depths of the things you are missing. Instead, remember all the good He has done. There is a beautiful story waiting for you, if only you are willing to let go. Let go of every chain. Surrender it all to Him. Only then will His sacrifice be able to shine light into your dark places. Give up your life, and gain eternity. He forgives all your sins. He rescues your life from the pit. He crowns you with mercy and compassion. He fills your life with blessings so that you become young again like an eagle. Do you want to fly? Do you want to soar? Do you want to travel to unknown places and witness miracle? Do you want to be free? Then let the Lord in.

The Lord is compassionate, merciful, patient, and always ready to forgive. You are never without hope. You are never beyond redemption. You are never unworthy of love. You are never out of reach. The Lord is holding out His arms, simply waiting for you to come. He will wait as long as it takes. He is never far away. He looks to you like a Father looks at his child -- full of desire and promise, eager to protect, willing to aid you, to guide you. He wants to be your shelter. He wants to be your strength. He wants to be your source of fulfillment. He wants to give you comfort. Everything you've ever wanted can be yours. The emptiness can fade. The longing can subside. The brokenness can be healed. His compassion never ends. He will never let you go.

As high as the heaves are above the earth - that is how vast His mercy is toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west - that is how far He has removed our rebellious acts from Himself. He covers you in His grace. He wipes away every sin. He dries every tear. Nothing is too great for Him to forgive. No pit is too deep for His rescue. Are you afraid - of not being good enough? Of not being deserving of His compassion? Of not having what it takes to be loved? Do not be afraid. He gives us everything simply because we choose Him, because He loved us first. Human life is as shot lived as grass. It blossoms like a flower in the field. When the wind blows over the flower, it disappears, and there is no longer any sign of it. Life on earth is short, but life with the Father is eternal. God is forever, as is His kingdom. If only we choose to follow Him.

His righteousness belongs... to those who are faithful to His promise, to those who remember to follow His guiding principles. His Kingdom is yours to be a part of if you choose Him. Surrender all, and gain eternity. Listen to His teachings. Seek counsel from His followers. Learn to walk with Him in everything that you do. Make your life a living sacrifice to His glory. You will never regret it. For God safeguards the steps of His faithful ones. He blesses those who put Him at the center of their lives. He will shower you will blessings you could never imagine. He will wreck your life, and put it back together -- to show you that He can make the broken things beautiful again. He will restore you. He will renew you. He will fill your heart with overflowing joy. Give it all over to Him and you will gain everything.

Praise the Lord, my soul. I have seen the light and am not turning back. I have been consumed with an unfathomable love. I have been restored by grace. I have been made new again. I have been covered by a mercy I don't deserve. I have experienced blessing upon blessing. I have been filled with joy. I have surrendered my earthly life. I have obeyed a King to inherit a Kingdom. I have fallen on my face, only to be picked back up again. Praise the Lord, my soul. I am not alone. I have a friend, and His name is Jesus. He has called me as His own.

Peace Be With You.

John 14:27 "I'm leaving you peace. I'm giving you my peace. I don't give you the kind of peace that the world gives. So don't be troubled or cowardly."

I walk toward a vast ocean - overwhelmed by the incomprehensible landscape. There is nothing but blue-green. The waves are crashing against the shore. The water dips and rolls -- hiding and taking away the things I will never know or never see. It is ominous and peaceful all once. I get lost in the beauty of a seeming forever, wondering what is on the other side. How deep is this ocean? I want to explore its hidden caverns and meet its extraordinary creatures. I want to be a part of this world. Ariel longed to walk on land, and I long to drown in the sea. I walk toward a vast ocean -- wanting to dive in, but instead, stand hesitantly on the shoreline.

I let the water brush against my toes. I am surprised at how cool and refreshing it feels. I step a little further, venture a little farther. I let the water rise to my calves. I close my eyes and take it all in. The water has seen distant shorelines. The water has evaporated and come again. The water is a part of a greater plan that I cannot understand. Water keeps people alive. Why should I be scared of it? With my eyes still closed, I let the water reach my waist. The temperature is taking over my body. I can barely feel anymore. I am numb to the world around me. All that matters is the water. I take a deep breath. I stop thinking. I dive in.

How often do we let the looming unknown dictate our willingness to dive in? Just because we can't see the bottom or the opposing shoreline doesn't mean we won't make it through the exploration. We must be willing to have faith. We must be willing to jump even without knowing where we will fall. For, God is the water. He holds secrets and avenues waiting to be explored, waiting to be discovered. We only come to know them when we allow ourselves to drown in His presence. Take the step to be a part of His world. There are people you have yet to meet. Miracles you have yet to see. Opportunities you have yet to discover. And they're all there - in the water - the water of life.

It's a process. Finding the courage to get in - all the way in. We get cold feet, we're scared of the way it feels, because we are no longer in control. But that's the beautiful thing about it. We don't have to be in control. By choosing to dive in, we surrender control to the One who knows a plan far greater than anything we could ever imagine. We cannot swim on our own, but through God, we are giving the strength to reach shores we never even knew existed. This is the only time where drowning is a good thing - an eternal thing. When we choose to drown ourselves in the Holy Spirit, it is only then that we can truly live. There will be dangers and trials - times when we feel like giving up. But God will remain faithful. We must let go of the world we know and surrender ourselves to the Truth, the Life, the Way.

I walk toward a vast ocean. I have been here before. I remember the way the sand felt on my toes, the warmth of its caress. I want to stay here but I know I must continue on. The warmth will fade, and the sand will blow away, but the water will continue to come in and out with the tide. I step in and remember its refreshment. It chills me to the bone. I want more. I walk forward, letting my body become immersed. I am unsure where I will find the strength to continue on, but I know that I must. Water gives life, and I am searching for the only life that matters. The only life that has ever mattered - life in the Holy Spirit.

I want to be immersed in His love and everlasting faithfulness. I want to surrender the comfortable for the unknown. I want to swim freely in His promises. I will only find strength when I lose myself. And so, I dive in.

A Quick Update.

Dear Friends,
Perhaps you have been wondering where I've been. Perhaps not. Either way, I am here to give you a quick update on my life. I have missed you all greatly! I have been wanting to blog so bad. My computer crashed two weeks ago, however, so I have not had the means by which to do so. I have not forgotten about you. Just the only time I am near a computer is when I am engrossed in the library - working on schoolwork. I graduate in less than two weeks. Life is insane. I have checked out mentally from school, yet still have tons to accomplish. I barely have time to write for fun, and when I do, it is stolen moments in my journal during classes. I am ready for life to slow down, for summer to come, and to reconnect with all of you find people and your lovely blogs. I have not only been a bad blogger lately; I have been a bad follower. I apologize.

In terms of my future, I thought I had it all figured out. Isn't that the way it works? You have your life the way you think you want it and then your whole world turns upside down. God has been rocking my world lately - placing people and situations in my path that have made me stop and question what it is I really do want. More accurately, what it is that He wants for me. I was planning on going home this summer. I had even started packing last week. And in a matter of days, I felt like God was pulling on my heart. It's still up in the air but it is looking as if I may be spending a few more months in Colorado - starting with the summer. I will keep you updated. But as someone recently told me, even staying here can be a new chapter if that is God's plan - spiritually as well as socially.

I am trying to trust completely. To push my desires and hesitations aside and trust that God will provide a means to stay if this is where He wants me. For we all know - He knows what is best and His plans are far greater than anything we could ever imagine. Falling on my knees, I am offering Him my future. I will be waiting patiently to see where He leads me. Graduation is a huge step in its own right, and its scary not knowing what to do next. Our entire lives are founded on the principle of school - its all we know and then, one day, it all ends. Some people know for sure what that next step is, others of us may spend several years trying to figure it out. All I know is that its a step of faith. I may not know, but God always does - He always will.

I hope to be back to my regular postings sooner than later. Until then, be blessed. Be encouraged. Have faith in God's greater plan. Don't give up hope. Pray without ceasing. Trust, even when you're unsure what it is you're trusting Him to do. God will supply all your needs, according to His purpose and His glory.

Love you all.