i still believe in fairytales.

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true." - Meredith Grey

so me and my roommate have two favorite channels - WE, and TLC. when we are sitting down to watch television those are always the first choices, and if that fails then we find something else... but normally one of them wins. so we have been watching a lot of WE lately, mostly wedding shows. which led to us crafting our own weddings. at first i tried not to give in, but i broke down last night and had her give me the site. [theknot.com for all you ladies who want to entertain this fantasy just as much as i did, even though i didn't want to admit it] it has everything you could ever want. you can pick your wedding dress, your bridesmaid's dresses, flowers, tuxes, cakes, songs, hairstyles, engagement rings, wedding rings, accessories, etc. etc. etc. i did almost all of the above. ha. i was annoying my poor guy friend about it via msn messenger, and he started getting a little angry. he says that "doing that sets up unrealistic expectations for your future mate". i said, "i've been thinking of my wedding since i was five and watched cinderella - i'm allowed to dream".

and i seriously think we are. i was super happy last night, and i was getting all bubbly and silly looking at possible wedding dresses. can you imagine how exciting it's going to be when that actually comes!? awww. i can't even wait. well, i can - but sometimes i wouldn't mind it happening sooner than later. the point is, i think we're allowed to hold on to that fantasy. everything - prince charming. someone who whisks us off our feet. takes us by surprise. shows us romance. i don't think we should expect extravangance or a re-take on our favorite chick flick, but i do think there is an element that we are allowed to hold onto. the desire to be cherished. for someone to want to make us happy, to go out of their way to impress, and to win our hearts. romance is not dead, and i don't think we should have to settle.

me and one of my best guy friends talk about relationships, or lack there of, from time to time. it usually goes the same way. we are both frustrated because we never find anyone. sure, there are flings here and there - but we both know we want something more. we want something with substance. and then someone will come along who is genuinely interested and we won't go for it, they're just not quite right. we're both very picky. and so we have asked, is this a good thing or a bad thing? because on one hand i feel like i deserve certain things, and should hold out for a guy who posseses certain qualities, but on the other hand - am i being unrealistic? in the end though, i think you have to be picky. granted, i believe you have to give people a chance - at least to get to know them as a person - before you dismiss them as an option, but i don't think you have to settle and get involved and date people because you can, because its there.

we deserve someone special. we all do, women and men. and i have to hold onto that fairytale. i have to hold onto the belief that one day i am going to meet someone who is going to be my match, who is going to surpass every other guy i've dated or been involved with by far - someone who is going to be different. someone who, for the first time, i am going to fall in love with. i have to believe that there is still someone out there worthy of my heart, because that little girl is still inside of me - playing cinderella, waiting for her prince charming. and to let that die, would be tragic and a total loss of all hope. it would be giving up. settling for less. so don't let the fairytale go, keep inside of you where it belongs :)