a hodge-podge of feelings.

I miss the old familiar faces and below the surface conversations.

I miss doing the things I've done my whole life with people who knew me then and know me now. Time passes and people change, but you never forget where you came from. You never forget who influenced the person you are today. I miss knowing where I belong. I miss knowing who to call. I miss being able to drive down the street and enter into a home that almost feels like mine. It's not even about what you do, it's about who you're with.

I dream of the people I've already lost -- the friendships that have dwindled or died completely. The rare lights in the middle of my past that I wouldn't be the same without. The ones who are no longer shining in my present. I dream of the people I want to see. I dream of touch. I dream of laughter. I dream of conversation. I dream of belonging -- a world that makes sense. I dream of people and when I wake up I wonder if one day, they too, will be simply faded memories in a list of the way I used to be and who I used to know.

When we're young, our parents tell us to enjoy it because the real world comes fast. They tell us to enjoy being kids. They tell us to enjoy getting to be immature - not to have to pay for things, to think that that money grows on trees, to see the world simplistically and full of color. They tell us to not rush growing up - and we don't listen. We can't wait for the next step. The next adventure. Imaginative-filled elementary school days fade into middle school dances which fade into the partys, the activities, the friendships, and the drama of high school. And then one day college is upon you, and you find yourself touring schools and looking foward to four years of fun. The time of your life. And how could that ever end?

But it does. And suddenly, you're ready to listen. Now that it's almost too late. You're ready to enjoy being young and enjoying life -- you're not ready for the real world. And as you stand looking foward into the looming future and the uncertainty of what comes next, you reflect on what you've gained, what you've lost, what you've learned, and who you've become. Dreaming. Wishing. Hoping. Remembering. Planning. Being -- caught up with emotions and a jumble of things you want and may never have.

The real world isn't a outline of class schedules. The real world doesn't give grades. The real world doesn't care if you fail or if you succeed. You get to choose. You can go nowhere and no one is going to talk to you about how you're not putting in any effort or how you can do better. You can do anything you want. It's all up to you. Who you take with you. Who you hold onto. What dreams you fight for. What you let go...

I miss things. Already I see parts of who I've been slipping away and as I stand on the edge of my inevitable future I am unsure who I will become, or where I will go. I miss knowing. And at the same time, I love it. The world is wide open. And you can go anywhere from here. And maybe that's the point. Not knowing. Who says the real world is the end of fun? Maybe, it's just the beginning.

If you really want something, sometimes it's worth taking a chance.