the essence of words.

ever since i can remember, i have loved writing. and when i use the term "love" i'm not sure that is really an accurate portrayal... because what is love? and how much is it overused? (we'll get to that later) so i guess i would like to say that i have a passion for words. i have a passion to express what goes on my mind. what i feel with my heart. what comes from the depths of my soul. things that sometimes i don't even understand... which is why i suppose my words sometimes get jumbled into nonsensical explanations.
we, as humans, don't always comprehend ourselves.

which is why i think we have to take into account other people - their thoughts, their dreams, their beliefs, their actions, their words. i am inspired by other people. quotes. books. friends. honesty. truth. depth. passion. all communicated through words. when we read, we learn. when we read, sometimes something inside us clicks. a certain phrase, a certain paragraph, a certain novel touches us. says things that we understand. that reach the part of us where we feel something profound, something beyond the words. we get lost in them. between the syllables. among the sentences - we find ourselves. we become inspired. and we take that with us. and sometimes that translates into our own "inspirations". we would be no where without each other. the world would not exist without the transmissionl of communication. without knowledge being passed from one person to the next. Jose Marti said, "Knowing is what counts". And in order to know we have to step outside ourselves and relish the words of others. only then will we discover brand new bounds.

tonight i have become enthused to respond to the words of my dear friend. i hope he doesn't mind because i seriously can't stop re-reading what he wrote, and wondering the exact same thing. he says, "if i could have an extra wish,i guess i'd like to see what love was like before cell phones in 1923".

and honestly i would wish the exact same thing. recently on some dumb top 25 things about myself i wrote that i feel i should have been born in another time period. why? because i honestly believe that love used to be a lot more genuine than what it is now. we are so caught up in whatever is easiest. whatever is the most convenient for ourselves. and in the process we lose the sincerity. we lose having to really be open with someone - face to face. we form relationships from written words instead of spoken ones. we can break off a relationship with a text, with an email. and start another just as simply. people don't have to work for your affection anymore. take pride and prejudice. during that time period men and women did not converse with each other in private. they didn't "date". they were constantly other people around. they fell in love based off each others actions, off what they spoke in the heightened moments that conversation occured... they did not come to "love" each other on a physical basis. touching in public back then was sure to be unheard of. love was most definitely a deep and genuine appreciation for someone. and how often does that happen anymore? how often do we truly, deeply, and whole-heartedly get to know someone before that first kiss, before that physical boundary is crossed, before we start basing our feelings off physical connections and if being physical with them "feels right".

i can tell you from experience - that i know the difference between becoming physical with someone you are really close to, as opposed to not. the farthest i've gone with a man was great - i'm not gonna lie. i enjoyed it. but there was no connection. there was no deeper feeling. i held no respect. no love. no appreciation. it was purely physical. so what was the point? for on the other side of things, a situation that didn't go nearly as far but that took place with someone i had known for years prior and had really gotten to know, to really care about, and someone who had taken the time to get to know me - to be there for me... held so much more emotional connection that it FELT deeper. there is something about kissing someone you genuinely know and care for, compared to someone you are simply attracted to and might enjoy hanging out with.

love comes from the heart. it is not something that comes easily. it is not something that can be misguided by text messages, words that we have no problem typing but that some of us would really never say (once again, words of a friend fyi). we can get to someone without ever having to really interact with them. we don't see them, but we can tell they "really like us". how much of it is bullshit? there is a difference between really being with someone, as opposed to just talking to them through the device attached to your hand. and not to say that people can't maintain relationships this way... and for some phone calls are the only means of communication during some times... but how can you start this way? and really trust someone without being able to see how they react to things? how they treat people around them? how their speech depicts their attitude? we have lost formality, that is something i can promise. which is why love has become translated into sex. which is probably why 50% of marriages fail... why girls are throwing their bodies to guy after guy in hopes that they will love them. screw that shit.

as a girl... i want to be treasured. i want to be respected. i want someone to care about my values. about my faith. about all the pieces of my past that make me who i am. i want someone who i can sit with for hours and just talk without feeling pressured to "put out". i want someone to care about my heart. i want honesty. i want open communication. i want romance, and gratitude, and appreciation. im not expecting a knight in shining armour. i'm not expecting a titanic style romance. i want it to take work. i want the good times and the bad... to be able to grow together through the arguments. to not give up and move on. love is not simple. it cannot be thrown around like we so often do our bodies. it cannot be thrown around like words that hold no value. it should be put on a pedastol. and it should stay there.

we need each other its true. we are not meant to be alone, God did not design us that way. but He also did not design us to use each other. to have our bodies tell us who we love and who we don't love. its all a facade. He wants us to know each other's hearts. like He knows ours. to care about someone as an individual. to be willing to give up everything for them. to go to all extreme's to win and to keep that affection. to love no matter what. love is not made on conditions. its all or nothing. whole-heartedly or not at all. we need to stop making things "easier" for ourselves and forming bonds that won't last. its harder in the long run, and will only spell dissapointment.

if you want a love that is going to last - go for the heart. search it. know it. guard it.
i used to be all for saving myself till marriage (so far so good fyi) but i haven't even gotten in that situation yet and already i find myself saying, "well if i really loved them i probably would" or "if i dated someone for a long time, i probably would"... and why? because society tells me that its natural? once again. i have to go back to a different time. in more cases than not, having sex with someone before you were married would rarely be an option. which proves my point. it is possible to know you love someone without getting physical, or in bed. our society wants us to compromise ourselves but it doesn't have to be that way. we can seek honest communication. a face-to-face relationship. a love that comes from the heart. i have to believe it is possible. i have to believe it is real - because otherwise, where is the hope?