"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true." - Meredith Grey
so me and my roommate have two favorite channels - WE, and TLC. when we are sitting down to watch television those are always the first choices, and if that fails then we find something else... but normally one of them wins. so we have been watching a lot of WE lately, mostly wedding shows. which led to us crafting our own weddings. at first i tried not to give in, but i broke down last night and had her give me the site. [theknot.com for all you ladies who want to entertain this fantasy just as much as i did, even though i didn't want to admit it] it has everything you could ever want. you can pick your wedding dress, your bridesmaid's dresses, flowers, tuxes, cakes, songs, hairstyles, engagement rings, wedding rings, accessories, etc. etc. etc. i did almost all of the above. ha. i was annoying my poor guy friend about it via msn messenger, and he started getting a little angry. he says that "doing that sets up unrealistic expectations for your future mate". i said, "i've been thinking of my wedding since i was five and watched cinderella - i'm allowed to dream".
and i seriously think we are. i was super happy last night, and i was getting all bubbly and silly looking at possible wedding dresses. can you imagine how exciting it's going to be when that actually comes!? awww. i can't even wait. well, i can - but sometimes i wouldn't mind it happening sooner than later. the point is, i think we're allowed to hold on to that fantasy. everything - prince charming. someone who whisks us off our feet. takes us by surprise. shows us romance. i don't think we should expect extravangance or a re-take on our favorite chick flick, but i do think there is an element that we are allowed to hold onto. the desire to be cherished. for someone to want to make us happy, to go out of their way to impress, and to win our hearts. romance is not dead, and i don't think we should have to settle.
me and one of my best guy friends talk about relationships, or lack there of, from time to time. it usually goes the same way. we are both frustrated because we never find anyone. sure, there are flings here and there - but we both know we want something more. we want something with substance. and then someone will come along who is genuinely interested and we won't go for it, they're just not quite right. we're both very picky. and so we have asked, is this a good thing or a bad thing? because on one hand i feel like i deserve certain things, and should hold out for a guy who posseses certain qualities, but on the other hand - am i being unrealistic? in the end though, i think you have to be picky. granted, i believe you have to give people a chance - at least to get to know them as a person - before you dismiss them as an option, but i don't think you have to settle and get involved and date people because you can, because its there.
we deserve someone special. we all do, women and men. and i have to hold onto that fairytale. i have to hold onto the belief that one day i am going to meet someone who is going to be my match, who is going to surpass every other guy i've dated or been involved with by far - someone who is going to be different. someone who, for the first time, i am going to fall in love with. i have to believe that there is still someone out there worthy of my heart, because that little girl is still inside of me - playing cinderella, waiting for her prince charming. and to let that die, would be tragic and a total loss of all hope. it would be giving up. settling for less. so don't let the fairytale go, keep inside of you where it belongs :)
February 28, 2009
February 23, 2009
here's to you.
this is for you - the one who helped me make it to the fourth grade. the one who used to call me her twin. the one who shared in boys chase girl recesses, and playing horses with broomsticks. the one who gave me childhood at its finest.
this is for you - the girl i hated at first, the one i couldn't stand. the one who became like a sister. the one i first experienced alcohol with. first experienced boys with. the one with whom i used to be insperable. we were unstoppable, as well as somewhat stuck-up and a little self-absorbed, but we had each other. it didn't matter what happened with anyone else, because we always had each other. you were my rock. you were my naughty other half. you were my first true best friend, someone who existed on a deeper level. you were my sister in christ as well, we grew together. our opinions changed but our friendship withstood it all. you were unforgettable.
this is for you - the girl who surprised me, who came out of nowhere and taught me what it feels like to embrace yourself. to have your own style and not care what anyone else thinks. this is for the one who got me through my senior year of high school, who was there for everything whether she agreed or not. this is for the one who made me smile on a regular basis, a ray of sunshine in the middle of stuck up classmates and people who were out to bring you down. you were constant music. you were amazing. we were very different, but somehow we were perfect.
and this is for you - the girl who used to hate my guts for flirting with her boyfriend, but somehow caught me when i least expected it. who made me alive and care-free again, able to do anything, try anything. this is for the girl who was always a phone call away. the girl i spent the summer practially live with one place or another. this is for the girl who is greater than what she knows. the girl who made my summer. the one who turns even the most boring days into wonderful memories, with silly faces, giggles and smiles. here's to feeling like a kid again, without worry, free to run.
this is for all of you - former best friends. some of whom have been long gone from my life, some of whom i know we can still talk like we used to - even if the times are few and far between, some of whom i still miss, and some of whom i am unsure where our friendship lies. it happens to all of us. we all find those people - the ones who really understand us, or maybe - its the people who bring something new to the table. something out of the ordinary, something different from the other friends we cherish. they bring us adventure. they bring us new horizons, and unexplored venues. they bring us spirit - a spark we didn't even know existed inside of us. they get to us in a way that no one else does. it doesn't have to be serious, but we can forget about the world and simply live. we love them. we attach ourselves to them. and we call them our best friends. and eventually, a year or two, or mabye five or six later - they disappear. gradually, or rather suddenly, soon we discover that we are left without them. and there is a hole waiting to be replaced, by that next dazzling person...
i think the term "best friend" should be more carefully used. my mother always told me you should always have more than one best friend, i thought that was silly. but its true, because then we find ourselves comparing friends. and by putting that tiny little word in front categorize someone as the greatest, the most important, when really that's usually not the case. we need more than one person to guide us. to spend time with. to share our hearts. to explore with. to grow with. to be there for, and have a shoulder to cry on in return. more than one person makes us who we are. we owe ourselves, our saniety, our honesty - to our friends. and we should not place one above the other in terms. for each of them holds a place that the others can't. they all are the "best" in some way. and it is unfair to ignore that.
i am grateful for all of my best friends. but i am also grateful for all the others, in fact sometimes more than the previously mentioned. i have so many friends who have changed my life. i wish i could name them all, but i don't think i could them justice in so short a space. my friends are indescribable. there are no words to say how incredibly blessed i am to have so many amazing people in my life - so many people who would do anything for me, who are there for me when i need it the most, who know the depths of my heart, who really understand who i am. we need more than one person to see inside of us. we need more than one hand to hold. we need more than one smile to seek. we need people. so many people... and i am moved to tears at how blessed i feel to have each and every one of them in my life.
so here is to you - the people who care. the ones who impact me without even knowing it. the ones who i love with all my heart. the ones i would do anything for. this is for the ones who have touched me so deeply, that i will never be able to express my gratitude. thank you for being there. thank you for making me a better person. thank you for teaching me things. thank you for forcing me to step outside the box. to grow. to do things i didn't think i could do. thank you for listening to my tears. thank you for being the laughter. the adventure. the fun. the party. the servant. the brother/sister in christ. the giver. the listener. the helper. the guy, the girl - who makes my days brighter. who makes me smile with a text. with a phone call. this is for all of you - each and every one of you. you have changed my life.
this is for you - the girl i hated at first, the one i couldn't stand. the one who became like a sister. the one i first experienced alcohol with. first experienced boys with. the one with whom i used to be insperable. we were unstoppable, as well as somewhat stuck-up and a little self-absorbed, but we had each other. it didn't matter what happened with anyone else, because we always had each other. you were my rock. you were my naughty other half. you were my first true best friend, someone who existed on a deeper level. you were my sister in christ as well, we grew together. our opinions changed but our friendship withstood it all. you were unforgettable.
this is for you - the girl who surprised me, who came out of nowhere and taught me what it feels like to embrace yourself. to have your own style and not care what anyone else thinks. this is for the one who got me through my senior year of high school, who was there for everything whether she agreed or not. this is for the one who made me smile on a regular basis, a ray of sunshine in the middle of stuck up classmates and people who were out to bring you down. you were constant music. you were amazing. we were very different, but somehow we were perfect.
and this is for you - the girl who used to hate my guts for flirting with her boyfriend, but somehow caught me when i least expected it. who made me alive and care-free again, able to do anything, try anything. this is for the girl who was always a phone call away. the girl i spent the summer practially live with one place or another. this is for the girl who is greater than what she knows. the girl who made my summer. the one who turns even the most boring days into wonderful memories, with silly faces, giggles and smiles. here's to feeling like a kid again, without worry, free to run.
this is for all of you - former best friends. some of whom have been long gone from my life, some of whom i know we can still talk like we used to - even if the times are few and far between, some of whom i still miss, and some of whom i am unsure where our friendship lies. it happens to all of us. we all find those people - the ones who really understand us, or maybe - its the people who bring something new to the table. something out of the ordinary, something different from the other friends we cherish. they bring us adventure. they bring us new horizons, and unexplored venues. they bring us spirit - a spark we didn't even know existed inside of us. they get to us in a way that no one else does. it doesn't have to be serious, but we can forget about the world and simply live. we love them. we attach ourselves to them. and we call them our best friends. and eventually, a year or two, or mabye five or six later - they disappear. gradually, or rather suddenly, soon we discover that we are left without them. and there is a hole waiting to be replaced, by that next dazzling person...
i think the term "best friend" should be more carefully used. my mother always told me you should always have more than one best friend, i thought that was silly. but its true, because then we find ourselves comparing friends. and by putting that tiny little word in front categorize someone as the greatest, the most important, when really that's usually not the case. we need more than one person to guide us. to spend time with. to share our hearts. to explore with. to grow with. to be there for, and have a shoulder to cry on in return. more than one person makes us who we are. we owe ourselves, our saniety, our honesty - to our friends. and we should not place one above the other in terms. for each of them holds a place that the others can't. they all are the "best" in some way. and it is unfair to ignore that.
i am grateful for all of my best friends. but i am also grateful for all the others, in fact sometimes more than the previously mentioned. i have so many friends who have changed my life. i wish i could name them all, but i don't think i could them justice in so short a space. my friends are indescribable. there are no words to say how incredibly blessed i am to have so many amazing people in my life - so many people who would do anything for me, who are there for me when i need it the most, who know the depths of my heart, who really understand who i am. we need more than one person to see inside of us. we need more than one hand to hold. we need more than one smile to seek. we need people. so many people... and i am moved to tears at how blessed i feel to have each and every one of them in my life.
so here is to you - the people who care. the ones who impact me without even knowing it. the ones who i love with all my heart. the ones i would do anything for. this is for the ones who have touched me so deeply, that i will never be able to express my gratitude. thank you for being there. thank you for making me a better person. thank you for teaching me things. thank you for forcing me to step outside the box. to grow. to do things i didn't think i could do. thank you for listening to my tears. thank you for being the laughter. the adventure. the fun. the party. the servant. the brother/sister in christ. the giver. the listener. the helper. the guy, the girl - who makes my days brighter. who makes me smile with a text. with a phone call. this is for all of you - each and every one of you. you have changed my life.
February 22, 2009
walking on sunshine.
Hebrews 10:25 - "We should not stop gathering together with other believers, as some of you are doing. Instead we must continue to encourage each other even more as we see the day of the Lord coming."
i had the pleasure of spending my sunday morning with some fellow intervarsity peeps - participating in a pancake breakfast fundraiser for the spring break trip to st.louis. [see photos above!] it is a blessing to serve others, and it also also a blessing when God provides for needs. God was good today, but then again - He is good everyday. it is just a matter of taking the time to stop and recognize it, to acknowledge all the things He is doing in and around us. personally, i have felt so blessed the past few weeks. as important as your own personal relationship with Christ is, it is also important to delight in the fellowship of others. we are meant to encourage, support, and uplight one another - and i can definitely feel God working to do those things in my life. i have met new people this year through intervarsity, and i have also held on to friendships from last year as well. and i am just so incredibly glad that God has placed each and every one of them in my life. after God, and my family - my friends play a huge role in my life... and i seriously do not know what i would do without them.
God is good - all the time. :) sometimes i have to remind myself to live in His image and not act out on how i'm feeling (doesn't always work...but you know). even though i know i shouldn't let it bother me, sometimes the comments i recieve in regards to my friends, and the things i am interested in (like church) really get to me. it is just a depiction of God testing you. and instead of lashing out in anger - you have to learn to respond with love. i'm trying to work on it. and not harbor over it, just give it to Him right away and simply pray for a change of heart in myself, and the people who sometimes can be so negative towards us. love others as He loves them right?? and don't pry, keep praying - and God will continue to work in their lives! aww (trust me - i know!) major praise tonite :)
taking a jump backwards... thursday night we had the privelege of listening to a guy by the name of bill: ex-convinct, ex-thief, ex-alcoholic, ex-druggie... and afterwards he invited us to let him pray for each of us individually. i was a little apprehensive at first. but eventually i felt as if i should go up there... after saying some basic words of encouragement he looked at me, and said he had seen a picture while he was praying for me:: an arrow. pointing upward. towards God. and if i amto keep looking upward in the direction of that arrow, God is going to give me the wisdom and direction i need to make the decisions concerning my future. well that just about hit the nail on the head! exactly where i am in my life, and i know that's what i need to be doing - but hearing it in that way was so encouraging and mind-blowing. all God. aww.
so i guess i'm just really happy right now. encouraged. and uplifted! keep seeking God, and He will give you peace, and joy beyond compare. filling your heart with love and blessing you above and beyond what you've asked for...
i had the pleasure of spending my sunday morning with some fellow intervarsity peeps - participating in a pancake breakfast fundraiser for the spring break trip to st.louis. [see photos above!] it is a blessing to serve others, and it also also a blessing when God provides for needs. God was good today, but then again - He is good everyday. it is just a matter of taking the time to stop and recognize it, to acknowledge all the things He is doing in and around us. personally, i have felt so blessed the past few weeks. as important as your own personal relationship with Christ is, it is also important to delight in the fellowship of others. we are meant to encourage, support, and uplight one another - and i can definitely feel God working to do those things in my life. i have met new people this year through intervarsity, and i have also held on to friendships from last year as well. and i am just so incredibly glad that God has placed each and every one of them in my life. after God, and my family - my friends play a huge role in my life... and i seriously do not know what i would do without them.
God is good - all the time. :) sometimes i have to remind myself to live in His image and not act out on how i'm feeling (doesn't always work...but you know). even though i know i shouldn't let it bother me, sometimes the comments i recieve in regards to my friends, and the things i am interested in (like church) really get to me. it is just a depiction of God testing you. and instead of lashing out in anger - you have to learn to respond with love. i'm trying to work on it. and not harbor over it, just give it to Him right away and simply pray for a change of heart in myself, and the people who sometimes can be so negative towards us. love others as He loves them right?? and don't pry, keep praying - and God will continue to work in their lives! aww (trust me - i know!) major praise tonite :)
taking a jump backwards... thursday night we had the privelege of listening to a guy by the name of bill: ex-convinct, ex-thief, ex-alcoholic, ex-druggie... and afterwards he invited us to let him pray for each of us individually. i was a little apprehensive at first. but eventually i felt as if i should go up there... after saying some basic words of encouragement he looked at me, and said he had seen a picture while he was praying for me:: an arrow. pointing upward. towards God. and if i amto keep looking upward in the direction of that arrow, God is going to give me the wisdom and direction i need to make the decisions concerning my future. well that just about hit the nail on the head! exactly where i am in my life, and i know that's what i need to be doing - but hearing it in that way was so encouraging and mind-blowing. all God. aww.
so i guess i'm just really happy right now. encouraged. and uplifted! keep seeking God, and He will give you peace, and joy beyond compare. filling your heart with love and blessing you above and beyond what you've asked for...
February 11, 2009
the essence of words.
ever since i can remember, i have loved writing. and when i use the term "love" i'm not sure that is really an accurate portrayal... because what is love? and how much is it overused? (we'll get to that later) so i guess i would like to say that i have a passion for words. i have a passion to express what goes on my mind. what i feel with my heart. what comes from the depths of my soul. things that sometimes i don't even understand... which is why i suppose my words sometimes get jumbled into nonsensical explanations.
we, as humans, don't always comprehend ourselves.
which is why i think we have to take into account other people - their thoughts, their dreams, their beliefs, their actions, their words. i am inspired by other people. quotes. books. friends. honesty. truth. depth. passion. all communicated through words. when we read, we learn. when we read, sometimes something inside us clicks. a certain phrase, a certain paragraph, a certain novel touches us. says things that we understand. that reach the part of us where we feel something profound, something beyond the words. we get lost in them. between the syllables. among the sentences - we find ourselves. we become inspired. and we take that with us. and sometimes that translates into our own "inspirations". we would be no where without each other. the world would not exist without the transmissionl of communication. without knowledge being passed from one person to the next. Jose Marti said, "Knowing is what counts". And in order to know we have to step outside ourselves and relish the words of others. only then will we discover brand new bounds.
tonight i have become enthused to respond to the words of my dear friend. i hope he doesn't mind because i seriously can't stop re-reading what he wrote, and wondering the exact same thing. he says, "if i could have an extra wish,i guess i'd like to see what love was like before cell phones in 1923".
and honestly i would wish the exact same thing. recently on some dumb top 25 things about myself i wrote that i feel i should have been born in another time period. why? because i honestly believe that love used to be a lot more genuine than what it is now. we are so caught up in whatever is easiest. whatever is the most convenient for ourselves. and in the process we lose the sincerity. we lose having to really be open with someone - face to face. we form relationships from written words instead of spoken ones. we can break off a relationship with a text, with an email. and start another just as simply. people don't have to work for your affection anymore. take pride and prejudice. during that time period men and women did not converse with each other in private. they didn't "date". they were constantly other people around. they fell in love based off each others actions, off what they spoke in the heightened moments that conversation occured... they did not come to "love" each other on a physical basis. touching in public back then was sure to be unheard of. love was most definitely a deep and genuine appreciation for someone. and how often does that happen anymore? how often do we truly, deeply, and whole-heartedly get to know someone before that first kiss, before that physical boundary is crossed, before we start basing our feelings off physical connections and if being physical with them "feels right".
i can tell you from experience - that i know the difference between becoming physical with someone you are really close to, as opposed to not. the farthest i've gone with a man was great - i'm not gonna lie. i enjoyed it. but there was no connection. there was no deeper feeling. i held no respect. no love. no appreciation. it was purely physical. so what was the point? for on the other side of things, a situation that didn't go nearly as far but that took place with someone i had known for years prior and had really gotten to know, to really care about, and someone who had taken the time to get to know me - to be there for me... held so much more emotional connection that it FELT deeper. there is something about kissing someone you genuinely know and care for, compared to someone you are simply attracted to and might enjoy hanging out with.
love comes from the heart. it is not something that comes easily. it is not something that can be misguided by text messages, words that we have no problem typing but that some of us would really never say (once again, words of a friend fyi). we can get to someone without ever having to really interact with them. we don't see them, but we can tell they "really like us". how much of it is bullshit? there is a difference between really being with someone, as opposed to just talking to them through the device attached to your hand. and not to say that people can't maintain relationships this way... and for some phone calls are the only means of communication during some times... but how can you start this way? and really trust someone without being able to see how they react to things? how they treat people around them? how their speech depicts their attitude? we have lost formality, that is something i can promise. which is why love has become translated into sex. which is probably why 50% of marriages fail... why girls are throwing their bodies to guy after guy in hopes that they will love them. screw that shit.
as a girl... i want to be treasured. i want to be respected. i want someone to care about my values. about my faith. about all the pieces of my past that make me who i am. i want someone who i can sit with for hours and just talk without feeling pressured to "put out". i want someone to care about my heart. i want honesty. i want open communication. i want romance, and gratitude, and appreciation. im not expecting a knight in shining armour. i'm not expecting a titanic style romance. i want it to take work. i want the good times and the bad... to be able to grow together through the arguments. to not give up and move on. love is not simple. it cannot be thrown around like we so often do our bodies. it cannot be thrown around like words that hold no value. it should be put on a pedastol. and it should stay there.
we need each other its true. we are not meant to be alone, God did not design us that way. but He also did not design us to use each other. to have our bodies tell us who we love and who we don't love. its all a facade. He wants us to know each other's hearts. like He knows ours. to care about someone as an individual. to be willing to give up everything for them. to go to all extreme's to win and to keep that affection. to love no matter what. love is not made on conditions. its all or nothing. whole-heartedly or not at all. we need to stop making things "easier" for ourselves and forming bonds that won't last. its harder in the long run, and will only spell dissapointment.
if you want a love that is going to last - go for the heart. search it. know it. guard it.
i used to be all for saving myself till marriage (so far so good fyi) but i haven't even gotten in that situation yet and already i find myself saying, "well if i really loved them i probably would" or "if i dated someone for a long time, i probably would"... and why? because society tells me that its natural? once again. i have to go back to a different time. in more cases than not, having sex with someone before you were married would rarely be an option. which proves my point. it is possible to know you love someone without getting physical, or in bed. our society wants us to compromise ourselves but it doesn't have to be that way. we can seek honest communication. a face-to-face relationship. a love that comes from the heart. i have to believe it is possible. i have to believe it is real - because otherwise, where is the hope?
we, as humans, don't always comprehend ourselves.
which is why i think we have to take into account other people - their thoughts, their dreams, their beliefs, their actions, their words. i am inspired by other people. quotes. books. friends. honesty. truth. depth. passion. all communicated through words. when we read, we learn. when we read, sometimes something inside us clicks. a certain phrase, a certain paragraph, a certain novel touches us. says things that we understand. that reach the part of us where we feel something profound, something beyond the words. we get lost in them. between the syllables. among the sentences - we find ourselves. we become inspired. and we take that with us. and sometimes that translates into our own "inspirations". we would be no where without each other. the world would not exist without the transmissionl of communication. without knowledge being passed from one person to the next. Jose Marti said, "Knowing is what counts". And in order to know we have to step outside ourselves and relish the words of others. only then will we discover brand new bounds.
tonight i have become enthused to respond to the words of my dear friend. i hope he doesn't mind because i seriously can't stop re-reading what he wrote, and wondering the exact same thing. he says, "if i could have an extra wish,i guess i'd like to see what love was like before cell phones in 1923".
and honestly i would wish the exact same thing. recently on some dumb top 25 things about myself i wrote that i feel i should have been born in another time period. why? because i honestly believe that love used to be a lot more genuine than what it is now. we are so caught up in whatever is easiest. whatever is the most convenient for ourselves. and in the process we lose the sincerity. we lose having to really be open with someone - face to face. we form relationships from written words instead of spoken ones. we can break off a relationship with a text, with an email. and start another just as simply. people don't have to work for your affection anymore. take pride and prejudice. during that time period men and women did not converse with each other in private. they didn't "date". they were constantly other people around. they fell in love based off each others actions, off what they spoke in the heightened moments that conversation occured... they did not come to "love" each other on a physical basis. touching in public back then was sure to be unheard of. love was most definitely a deep and genuine appreciation for someone. and how often does that happen anymore? how often do we truly, deeply, and whole-heartedly get to know someone before that first kiss, before that physical boundary is crossed, before we start basing our feelings off physical connections and if being physical with them "feels right".
i can tell you from experience - that i know the difference between becoming physical with someone you are really close to, as opposed to not. the farthest i've gone with a man was great - i'm not gonna lie. i enjoyed it. but there was no connection. there was no deeper feeling. i held no respect. no love. no appreciation. it was purely physical. so what was the point? for on the other side of things, a situation that didn't go nearly as far but that took place with someone i had known for years prior and had really gotten to know, to really care about, and someone who had taken the time to get to know me - to be there for me... held so much more emotional connection that it FELT deeper. there is something about kissing someone you genuinely know and care for, compared to someone you are simply attracted to and might enjoy hanging out with.
love comes from the heart. it is not something that comes easily. it is not something that can be misguided by text messages, words that we have no problem typing but that some of us would really never say (once again, words of a friend fyi). we can get to someone without ever having to really interact with them. we don't see them, but we can tell they "really like us". how much of it is bullshit? there is a difference between really being with someone, as opposed to just talking to them through the device attached to your hand. and not to say that people can't maintain relationships this way... and for some phone calls are the only means of communication during some times... but how can you start this way? and really trust someone without being able to see how they react to things? how they treat people around them? how their speech depicts their attitude? we have lost formality, that is something i can promise. which is why love has become translated into sex. which is probably why 50% of marriages fail... why girls are throwing their bodies to guy after guy in hopes that they will love them. screw that shit.
as a girl... i want to be treasured. i want to be respected. i want someone to care about my values. about my faith. about all the pieces of my past that make me who i am. i want someone who i can sit with for hours and just talk without feeling pressured to "put out". i want someone to care about my heart. i want honesty. i want open communication. i want romance, and gratitude, and appreciation. im not expecting a knight in shining armour. i'm not expecting a titanic style romance. i want it to take work. i want the good times and the bad... to be able to grow together through the arguments. to not give up and move on. love is not simple. it cannot be thrown around like we so often do our bodies. it cannot be thrown around like words that hold no value. it should be put on a pedastol. and it should stay there.
we need each other its true. we are not meant to be alone, God did not design us that way. but He also did not design us to use each other. to have our bodies tell us who we love and who we don't love. its all a facade. He wants us to know each other's hearts. like He knows ours. to care about someone as an individual. to be willing to give up everything for them. to go to all extreme's to win and to keep that affection. to love no matter what. love is not made on conditions. its all or nothing. whole-heartedly or not at all. we need to stop making things "easier" for ourselves and forming bonds that won't last. its harder in the long run, and will only spell dissapointment.
if you want a love that is going to last - go for the heart. search it. know it. guard it.
i used to be all for saving myself till marriage (so far so good fyi) but i haven't even gotten in that situation yet and already i find myself saying, "well if i really loved them i probably would" or "if i dated someone for a long time, i probably would"... and why? because society tells me that its natural? once again. i have to go back to a different time. in more cases than not, having sex with someone before you were married would rarely be an option. which proves my point. it is possible to know you love someone without getting physical, or in bed. our society wants us to compromise ourselves but it doesn't have to be that way. we can seek honest communication. a face-to-face relationship. a love that comes from the heart. i have to believe it is possible. i have to believe it is real - because otherwise, where is the hope?
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