there are places i remember.

there are places i remember... places in time. places in my mind. places i've gone. places i've imagined. places with her or him or them. places i hold onto. places i try and forget. there are places i remember... places that make up who i've been, who i am, and who i have yet to become.

i remember being young and pretending to be cinderella. when barbies could occupy an entire day. playing boys chase girls. having water fights. riding bikes around the neighborhood until dark. i remember when the best part of summer was camping (devoid of alcohol or the opposite sex)... even if that meant in setting up a tent in the backyard with your best girlfriend. there are places i remember... full of innocence and dreams and imagination, a time when i knew nothing but believed everything. i never went far but somehow i still felt like i could conquer the world.

i remember things. a song plays on the radio and it triggers something inside of me... sometimes a place i can't even find again, but somehow, i know it's there. it's playing through my speakers and in my heart. and then that emotional place comes, where you feel like you're missing something, but at the same time feel as if you've rediscovered an old friend. love and loss. friendship and change. there are places i remember... full of people i will never forget. people that are unaware of how much they've changed my life. i will hold on to a piece for forever. pieces of my favorite places - stashed in my mind. written on my heart. speaking now as, me. there are places i remember... places where someone became a part of me. i am an individual, but i am not alone.

i remember conversations. exact phrases. entire sentences. i remember words because of how they made me feel, how they still make me feel. i replay them in my head... hoping not to lose them. perhaps, hoping to learn something new. to find something deeper behind the surface. to get to know someone. to dive in without caring to come up for air. there are places i remember... where we sat as we spoke. car rides. and bike rides. campfire visits and late night chats on the couch. talking on the phone until your ear burns. chatting online till the wee hours of the morning... just to connect. just to know someone is there, that someone wants to listen. there are places i remember... and words that go along with them. sad or joyful. hurtful or encouraging. humorous or somber.

i remember thinking that college would never come. i remember thinking that college would never end. the 'real world' was simply an illusion - full of parents and old people, a place that would take forever to reach. there are places i remember... the feeling of uncertainty and uneasiness at the thought of growing up. i remember it, because it is now. the place of decision and responsibility. the place i would like to post-pone. the place i am going has yet to make itself known. and i stand on the brink of opportunity i find myself wishing for a place of the past. when time stretched ahead like a never-ending ocean, with me, slowly swimming towards a shore that would never come. there are places i remember... i would drown myself in the past, only for another moment to see clearly the place that i belong. i'm holding on. i'm letting go. i'm hesitant, yet ready to fly.

there are places i remember... and there are places i have yet to know.

when love comes.

there's nothing better than this
simplicity and stillness
awakening sounds of the soul.
a quiet night and open sky.

take a walk with me,
along the beaten path,
beneath the trees.
i'll show you my home.
i'll show my heart.

there's things no one knows
wrapped up in words,
i've only spoken to myself.
do you hear it?
the sound of possibility...

i want to fall in love, here.
away from all the noise and
surrounded by the beauty,
of our loving creator.

here, is serenity.
here, is a chance.
here, is a beginning.

5 miles with a yellow butterfly.

How does one become a butterfly? You have to want to learn to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar. - Trina Paulus

Running is one of those things I will always do. always love. always enjoy... It doesn't matter what kind of day I've had or how I feel or what's going on in my life - running is something I can always do. Something I want to do. Just me. My shoes. The open road/sidewalk/trail (what have you). Sometimes an ipod, sometimes not. Just me against the world. For as long as I want, for as long as it takes. Something happens when I go for a run. It's more than exercise. It's more than me feeling better about myself, about my body, about my health. It's more than a habit. It's an escape... It's breathing... It's a release and a relief.

On days when I don't take my ipod, which honestly is more often than not, I am alone with my thoughts, but I am also alone with the world. Open and listening to anything that may come into my mind. When I run... I feel the beauty of God, all the wonder of His creation surrounding me and the mere ability He blessed me with. Running is a blessing. One tiny little thing in the middle of an extraordinary long day, a painful day, a normal day, or even a good day... but one tiny thing that lets me know its all going to be okay. Yesterday, I ran. Just like any other day, but something happened.

There I was, along one of my favorite paths... this old road called Moon Meadows, barely any traffic... houses but also... meadow and horses and nature all wrapped into one. Along the side of the road there is all this overgrown grass, and about a mile into my run I noticed this yellow butterfly flying in front of me. I didn't think much of it at first but I kept seeing it. Flying a few feet in front of me as if to say - "You got this. Follow me. I'm right here leading the way." It would disappear now and again, but it would without fail, return. I reached the half-way point devoid of the yellow butterfly and feeling very weary... but 800 meters later there it was again... now, I am well aware that this could have been a different yellow butterfly... but there, in that moment, it was inspiring. This little yellow butterfly sticking out the course ahead of me, flying along without a care in the world, and somehow pushing me to continue on... I could only think of one thing: Hope.

God put a yellow butterfly in my path. He put a yellow butterfly in my path to tell me that everything was going to be okay. Have hope, Kari. Have hope in Me, the Father, Your Father. Have hope that you are going to make it through... this run, this day, these struggles, this life. I'm right here. I'm ahead of you. I've already marked out your path. I'm not going to leave you. You just have to have hope. You just have to have faith... It's easy to forget. It's easy to go about the day and leave God out of it... to take advantage of His love, to take advantage of His promise to always be there. To let Him fall to the wayside because you know, when you decide to listen again, when you decide to follow Him again, He will still be there... It's easy to ignore the little things, to not see them for what they really are, signs that God is a part of everything. Always. And Forever.

God put a yellow butterfly in my path yesterday to remind that He's here - holding out His hands and leading me towards His perfect plan. He gave me a sign of hope. In the midst of everything that life throws at you... What has God given you?