John 14:27 - "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do no be afraid."
I think its easy to get distracted by what the world says, by what your friends say, and the lies that we hear day after day. I think thats why having a relationship with God is so hard, and at the same time so rewarding. When I really listen, and dig into His word, I feel so encouraged... but when I'm in the midst of the chaos of the world its really easy to let things get to me and get down on myself. Its hard to hear God among the sin, among the desires of the world - and what it tells you.
Right now, I just feel kind of discouraged, and I really can't explain why. Because seriously - things have been going great! I continue to feel encouraged, and I feel myself growing closer and closer to God and learning new things... but I don't know. Tonight for some reason, is just one of those nights where I'm not really sure where I'm at, or what I'm supposed to be doing. I just feel kinda lost at the moment, and I really can't even explain it.
I'm just clinging on to God's word... and today in my one of a couple quiet times (cuz I seem to need God a lot today lol) I found Psalm 119: 147 - My hope is based on your word. And idk that just really hit me, that we have to have hope before we can have anything else. Courage, strength, and faith are nothing without hope. We have to have hope in God's word and His promises - and more than that His perfect plan.
I guess thats what I need right now, hope and peace. (which explains the verse at the beginning of this blog). I need to just be still, and know that the Lord will take care of everything. God is the light in the darkened world - in Him I can have hope, and I can have peace. I just need to let him take control of my heart, and let Him carry out His will. Sometimes its just hard to see what that is, and I let myself get discouraged. But those verses just really helped me today, and I don't know - I just really needed to write about it.
Peace, Hope, and Love. Sounds like some cheesy quote, but not when you say: God gives us peace, God allows to have hope, and God showers us with love. I know I definitely need all those things, and I'm going to keep on clinging to Him... in every situation, in everything I do. Keep clinging, and keep on praying. For He knows my heart, and its desires - and I know He has an amazing plan for me. :)
March 30, 2008
March 20, 2008
a year gone.
Hey Auntie Karen :)
guess what?? Today is the first day of spring! And its your birthday! I always could remember when your birthday was because it was always the first day of spring. :) pretty lucky if you ask me, cuz you loved spring. so do i! The weather finally starts getting warmer, and it stays lighter longer... And it means that summer is just around the corner!
You would have been 60 years old today... I can just imagine you saying how old you are, but you never looked it. You always had this youthful spirit about you... Idk, maybe it was how carefree you were, or how gentle and kind-hearted you were. Something about how much you didn't stress about things made you younger at heart I think. You never seemed that old to me ;) You were always happy, and generous, and you made other people happy just by simply being around. I think younger people have a tendency to do that, like no matter what they do they're still cute and irresistable. Well you were irrestibable because of your wonderful personality, your contagious smile, and a heart that was always 100% for God. You were definitely a woman after His own heart. I miss that you know...
Surprisingly though, this one year anniversary of you going home to be with the Lord, hasn't been as hard as I thought it was going to be. I think God has finally given me some peace about the whole situation. Not to say I don't miss, or still don't cry on occasion :) but I'm doing okay. I know now more than ever that God's plan is perfect, and even though He works in ways we don't understand or can't explain - there is always a reason. Of course I still wish you were here so we could play scrabble, sing the oldies, make a huge bowl of popcorn, etc! but I'm so very very happy that you are not suffering anymore. That the old things have passed away and you have a perfect body, and that you're in Heaven, worshipping the most amazing guy ever - Jesus Christ!
I'm going to Sioux Falls today, and Danny is going to be there. Honestly I think thats what makes it harder... is seeing him without you. You guys were such an amazing couple, and you loved each other unconditionally. Haha. I can still hear you saying, "honey! honey!" :) and he would always come without complaint, without question, and help you in whatever way possible.
Aww Karen. You were such a blessing in my life, and still continue to be. I constantly think of the example that you left, along with all the amazing memories. I just hope that I can be the kind of woman you were - with a heart for the Lord, willing to serve, always putting others above yourself. I miss you so much. But I'm thankful for how many ways you impacted my life. You will always be a part of me... and will continue to live on in my heart.
I love you Auntie Karen. Happy Birthday!!!
<3>
guess what?? Today is the first day of spring! And its your birthday! I always could remember when your birthday was because it was always the first day of spring. :) pretty lucky if you ask me, cuz you loved spring. so do i! The weather finally starts getting warmer, and it stays lighter longer... And it means that summer is just around the corner!
You would have been 60 years old today... I can just imagine you saying how old you are, but you never looked it. You always had this youthful spirit about you... Idk, maybe it was how carefree you were, or how gentle and kind-hearted you were. Something about how much you didn't stress about things made you younger at heart I think. You never seemed that old to me ;) You were always happy, and generous, and you made other people happy just by simply being around. I think younger people have a tendency to do that, like no matter what they do they're still cute and irresistable. Well you were irrestibable because of your wonderful personality, your contagious smile, and a heart that was always 100% for God. You were definitely a woman after His own heart. I miss that you know...
Surprisingly though, this one year anniversary of you going home to be with the Lord, hasn't been as hard as I thought it was going to be. I think God has finally given me some peace about the whole situation. Not to say I don't miss, or still don't cry on occasion :) but I'm doing okay. I know now more than ever that God's plan is perfect, and even though He works in ways we don't understand or can't explain - there is always a reason. Of course I still wish you were here so we could play scrabble, sing the oldies, make a huge bowl of popcorn, etc! but I'm so very very happy that you are not suffering anymore. That the old things have passed away and you have a perfect body, and that you're in Heaven, worshipping the most amazing guy ever - Jesus Christ!
I'm going to Sioux Falls today, and Danny is going to be there. Honestly I think thats what makes it harder... is seeing him without you. You guys were such an amazing couple, and you loved each other unconditionally. Haha. I can still hear you saying, "honey! honey!" :) and he would always come without complaint, without question, and help you in whatever way possible.
Aww Karen. You were such a blessing in my life, and still continue to be. I constantly think of the example that you left, along with all the amazing memories. I just hope that I can be the kind of woman you were - with a heart for the Lord, willing to serve, always putting others above yourself. I miss you so much. But I'm thankful for how many ways you impacted my life. You will always be a part of me... and will continue to live on in my heart.
I love you Auntie Karen. Happy Birthday!!!
<3>
March 06, 2008
Lord I need you.
the Lord works in mysterious ways. sometimes I really don't understand how or why things happen. I try my hardest to be the best person I can be, and to not offend people and keep my opinions to myself unless I feel they need to be talked about. I think sometimes I hold things in too long and then they end up coming out in a totally wrong way... I don't know how to find the medium. when to keep my mouth shut and when to say how I feel. which is weird cuz I'm one of those people who rarely have a problem talking. I'm one of those people who rarely has a problem opening up. I talk. I communicate. I share. too much a lot of the time. I trust too easily and get hurt because of it. I like to think the best of people... and I don't like to let things get to me. But I'm human, and sometimes they do. And sometimes that gets me into trouble. Like everyone I'm sure.
Lord - I know you have a purpose for everything. My heart is breaking right now... for me, for my family, and for my friends. I know we're all going through a rough time. We all have our struggles, our problems, our weaknesses. I tend to take other people's problems on as my own. I not only worry about my own concerns but I also worry about other people as well. Which is really unhealthy for me. You gave me a caring heart didn't you God? Sometimes I think its a little too big! ;) cuz it sure does seem to get me in trouble. I can't change people. Only you can... I just wish I could help. Help me say the right thing. Help me do the right thing. I've always been the struggling girl - the one who needed help from her brothers and sisters in Christ. I've always been the one who needed encouragement... needed someone to come along side of me and help me out. I don't really know how much I've been the one who sets the example. Being the example to someone is really new to me, and sometimes I think I'm not doing a very good job. I don't know when to speak and when not to speak. I don't know how to show someone I care, and share with them what I'm feeling without shoving my opinions down their throat. Although I really don't think I do that?? Lord - I need help! Help me show Your love, Your grace, Your mercy... because I know how wonderful it is... I know how amazing it can be... and how big of a difference it can make. It has definitely made a huge difference in my life and gave me the desire to want to know you better. I thank you for all the people you have placed in my life who have made such an impact on me... they have shown me your love in more ways than one, and I am so grateful. I just hope I can make even a fraction of that impact on the people around me. You are all powerful, all merciful, mighty God. I know you have a plan and a purpose for everything. Just use me the best way you need to. Help me to see your way. I love you Lord. And I need you right now... more than ever...
Lord - I know you have a purpose for everything. My heart is breaking right now... for me, for my family, and for my friends. I know we're all going through a rough time. We all have our struggles, our problems, our weaknesses. I tend to take other people's problems on as my own. I not only worry about my own concerns but I also worry about other people as well. Which is really unhealthy for me. You gave me a caring heart didn't you God? Sometimes I think its a little too big! ;) cuz it sure does seem to get me in trouble. I can't change people. Only you can... I just wish I could help. Help me say the right thing. Help me do the right thing. I've always been the struggling girl - the one who needed help from her brothers and sisters in Christ. I've always been the one who needed encouragement... needed someone to come along side of me and help me out. I don't really know how much I've been the one who sets the example. Being the example to someone is really new to me, and sometimes I think I'm not doing a very good job. I don't know when to speak and when not to speak. I don't know how to show someone I care, and share with them what I'm feeling without shoving my opinions down their throat. Although I really don't think I do that?? Lord - I need help! Help me show Your love, Your grace, Your mercy... because I know how wonderful it is... I know how amazing it can be... and how big of a difference it can make. It has definitely made a huge difference in my life and gave me the desire to want to know you better. I thank you for all the people you have placed in my life who have made such an impact on me... they have shown me your love in more ways than one, and I am so grateful. I just hope I can make even a fraction of that impact on the people around me. You are all powerful, all merciful, mighty God. I know you have a plan and a purpose for everything. Just use me the best way you need to. Help me to see your way. I love you Lord. And I need you right now... more than ever...
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