L.O.V.E.

L. is for the way you leave pieces of yourself with people who care and people don't. Leave and let-go. Leave and look. What happens next? You leave. They take... (take and guard. Take and hurt. Take and forget. Take and love back.) You leave parts of who you are along the journey of life and pray to God that He shows you why... that someday you'll reach the end of the road and find that all those pieces are back again. In the arms, in the heart, in the reach of someone who leaves themselves in exchange. One day you'll wake up, and see the pieces of yourself in the eyes of the person looking back... and all the leaving will be okay. Letting go and letting it be the way it's supposed to be... Letting love find its way, no matter how long it takes. L is for leaping... and praying to land on your feet.

O. is for the way you open up your heart. O is for only. O is for opportunity. O is for one... One person who opens up in return. Who grasps the opportunity to love and takes it. Who leaps without looking back. There is only one. You are only one and there should only be one... always One. One God. One heart - given. One love. One commitment. One bond, that can't be broken. You have to open up your heart in order to love. You have to open it and take the risk that someone is going to love all of you. You have to open it and risk the hurt, risk the broken expectations... to feel. To be. To live. O is more than just opening up your heart, it is opening up your life... to take hold of an opportunity. To never be alone again.

V. is for valor (boldness and determination). The gumption to never quit. To never stop trying. Simply because, this love is worth it. This love is worth every sacrifice. Every battle. Every negative force that tells you it can't work out, every part of you that is saying not to try. V is for value. V represents more than just a feeling... it represents something that can't be lost. With it, without this, you would be lost. Without this, you would lose a part of yourself. V doesn't take no for an answer. V hangs on when the world is telling you to cave in. V pushes ahead when everything says there is no way. V says... I will give my life for this. for you. for love.

E. is for everything. Love means giving up pieces of your self, opening your heart, exercising determination, and vowing to love everything about the other. No matter what. No matter how irritating they can be. No matter how hard things get. No matter what the world throws at you. Love is about sacrifice. Love is about serving. Love is about kindness. and consideration. and honesty.... communication and constantly struggling to fall deeper and deeper. E is Everything. There is no 'if's' in love. There are no conditions. There are no 'but's'. Love is the attempt to love as God loves... through the way He designed it. through His plan... Take everything. Give everything. Wholeheartedly. Without ceasing. Forever.

I found a safe place.

You tell yourself you're strong. You tell yourself that you're going to be okay. Nothing can touch you. Nothing can break you. Nothing can harm you. You are standing on the edge of forever, and there is no end in sight. You're floating. You can't be stopped. The picture you paint on the faces of others speaks of happiness, of contentment, of strength, of determination. You have all those things. But you also have things you don't want to share with the world. You're full of doubt. You're full of questions. You're full of tears. You're full of sadness, and anger, and aching. You feel everything, full force. You take the wieght of the world on your shoulders. You analyze every detail. Every response that doesn't come. Every question that has yet to be answered. Every word that is spoken. You see the pain of others and you take it on. You want to save the world, but sometimes, all you're trying to do is save yourself. You're trying to hold onto your hope, your joy, your faith. And, sometimes, that means breaking down. That means falling apart. It means getting away from everyone and everything and crying until you can't cry anymore. Writing it out. Screaming it out. Talking it out. Listening to your favorite song, on repeat, for 3 hours. Whatever it takes. Just to make you feel whole again. Just to give you the realization that it's going to be okay. You don't have to be strong. You don't have to save everyone. You don't have to do it alone. Everything you feel, everything you doubt, everything you desire - God already knows. He will make the weak strong. He will make you strong. He will make me strong... For times such as these when I crumple to the floor, tears streaming down my face, and simply ask: Why? Where are you leading me, God? Show me the way. I know there will be days like this. I know that everything can't be happiness and smiles and reassurance. I have to continue to fight for that joy, God's joy. I have to fight to live. I have to fight to believe. And, at the end of the day, when the tears have been shed and my heart has been opened... I know it's going to be okay. Tomorrow is a new day. A gift. A new sunrise. And, God has it all under control.

just say, yes.

James 4: 14 - 15 "You don't know what will happen tomorrow. What is life? You are a mist that is seen for a moment and then disappears. Instead, you should say, "If the Lord wants us to, we will live and carry out our plans."

If there is one thing I have learned lately, it is this: Every day is a struggle. Every day presents itself as a test, as an opportunity, and we are given the choice as to what we do with it. Every day, we are asked to surrender the day, ourselves, our dreams, our worries, and give them over to God. Every day is another step - either forward towards God, or backwards into our own selfish ways. Every day is a gift. Every day that we wake up again, and breathe, and walk, and feel - We can either be thankful and aware of how it is we exist, or we can take it for granted.

I love the verse above. Life, my life, is simply a mist that is seen for a moment and then disappears. It is not mine to live. And, tomorrow is not mine to worry about. It is not mine to plan. God is the only one who knows what will happen tomorrow. God is the only one who is in control of the plans that have yet to be fulfilled. The beautiful thing, is that if my heart is focused on God, my desires and His desires can be the same. Because, He will place His desires upon my heart and make them my own. That is the beauty of a relationship with Christ. But, its not easy. And, it's not supposed to be. I have learned that each day is a sacrifice. Each day is a conscious surrender of myself. And, sometimes I fail. Sometimes, I go through my day centered on myself and I leave God out of it... I'm going to fail. I'm human. But, I also love Jesus. And, no matter how it is, it is worth it to fight every day for a focus on God.

I recently moved back from college for the summer, again. And year after year, it is always a period of transition. Going from being independent and on my own, living by myself, to once again living under my parents roof. And, don't get me wrong, I love my family - but it's different. It's hard to find a quiet moment, peace and quiet to spend with God, to breathe, to think, to just be. And, my friends here are different. Its a change of pace, its a change of company. I don't have a church here really. I don't have a place to be fed week by week. And, that's hard. Summers in the past have been repetitive and self-centered. Parties. Alcohol. Staying Busy. Losing sight of God... I refuse to let that happen this summer.

This past week has been very encouraging, and an awesome start. It just fills me with the promise that through God, all things are possible. It is a matter of choices. It is a matter of desire. And, my desire is to make this a fun summer, an enjoyable summer, a summer centered on God. Me and two of my girlfriends are starting a bible study next week. I'm stoked. And, I'm encouraged. I have spent all week hanging out with the two of them, and it is just so awesome to be surrounded with people who can have fun doing the simplest of things, people who love God just as much as I do. People make a difference. The company you choose to surround yourself with, makes a difference. God is always there, but fellowship is necessary too.

It is vital to give up our lives, each and every day, to surrender constantly all our wants, worries, and desires and let God be our focus. It is through Him we will continue to see the light. All you have to do is say: Yes, I will follow you. Give each day to God and let Him fill your life abundantly - with joy, with purpose, with hope. Live a legacy. Live for God - to serve, to follow, to believe, to surrender. We are only humans. Alone, we can do nothing. Through Christ, we can do anything He asks.

[I apologize for my lack of posts lately! I plan on being back more consistently :) ]

Religion 101

I have a problem with this question: "Are you religious?"

Tonight I was talking to a girl at work about a few things... including youth conferences and where I go to church, etc. And she says, "Oh, are you religious?" I wanted to say No. I am not. Because... It is not a religion, it is a relationship. "Religion" is so ambiguous. It is so broad. Anyone can claim to be "religious". Anyone can claim to follow a "religion" or to come from a "religious" background. That answer could mean anything. It could mean you go to church on holidays. It could mean you went to one youth conference back in high school. It could mean you believe, but don't practice. It could mean anything... Also, the other problem I have with this question: The person who asks it normally does not have a relationship with God. I say this because if I get talking to someone and they start talking about their church, or what they've done with their church, or missions, or anything else related... how they live their life etc, I would dig deeper. I would want to know more. I would say more than "Are you religious?" That is not the question that needs to be asked. That is also not the question that needs to be answered. It doesn't stem to something deeper. It doesn't invite you in. It doesn't ask you to open your heart. It is a response as if to say: "Oh, you are one of those people that believe in God?"

The next question this girl asked me was this: "So, do you not drink?" Introduce stereotype number one: Christians do not drink. They are judgemental of those who do. And, if they do drink... they are hypocrites, living two different lives. I'm sure you want to know how I responded, so I'll get to that part before I continue. I simply said: "I don't have a problem with drinking, but I'm not a party girl. I'm not into random parties, with random people, getting wasted. I don't see the point of going out every weekend." She nodded. And, continued on to my current interest in boys. No opening to share my heart. No opening to continue on. It sucks when people close themselves off to you. When they don't even want to hear what you have to say... All you can do is try to be a light through the simple stories you do get a chance to tell.

There are so many things I want to say when I am asked these questions. There are so many stories, and experiences, and passionate reasons that I want to share, that come to my head. But, sometimes you have to be selective. Or, at least you have to be aware of what will be responded to well. Sometimes, God says: Spill it all. Other times, you have to break into your passion bit by bit in hopes of getting to share more as your friendship with that person develops and breaks into something more full of trust, more than just a co-worker or acquaintaince. Sometimes, its hard to know when is the time for what. Sometimes, its hard to know when to share. What to share. How to share. Especially when you're not expecting it.

The last day of my art of persuasion class, she passed out pieces of paper on different topics. The goal was to respond to the topic. After a few minutes, you were to pass your piece of paper to the left, and that person would respond to what you had written. After a semester full of debate over the concept of absolute truths... I knew the majority of my class did not believe in God. So, as if to say: Here you go Kari, I got the topic of "Religion". My teacher posted our responses online today. So... here it is. My response, followed by 3 other people.

Me: It is not a religion, it is a relationship. So many negative connotations get placed on "religion". But, it is a belief system of a Creator, the hope of eternal life, a genuine friendship with "One." It is more about a way of living than simply a "practice" or rules to follow. It is personal. It is real.
Person 1: I agree that religion is personal and a way of living than a practice or rules. Obviously, society needs to be governed by rules - but religion is aobut control. It is a silly concept that people get so wrapped up in that they forget what the principle is truly about. We rely so heavily on what an institution tells us how to live, and instead we need to let go, stay true to ourselves, and our own values, rather than say that "religion" can guide us through life. We are afraid to live how we truly want, so we let religion guide us.
Person 2: Religion is a governing fact of life for many people, including me. The instituation does sway ppeople's opinions, but that is what it is meant to do! People need leaders to help them along the path of religion, but it is our place to discern.
Person 3: I do think religion has its place in the world, but there is entirely too much plublic relation to it. Religion should be a personal cohice, and enforced in personal settings with other people who connect in a similar way. However, it seems that religion is still in the forefront.

I just wish I would have had time to say more. I always wish I had more time. I always wish I had more opportunity. I always wish I could share... everything. Share my heart. Share my soul. Talk about the one who has stolen my heart: My God. My Savior. My Creator. My heart is full with joy and the blessing God has given me... It is full with what He has taught... It is full of mistakes, it is full of lessons, it is full of all the things that have brought me closer to God. My heart is full with a passion, a passion to live for the One who created me, the One who called me His, the One who saved me. The One who healed me. The One who loves me. When people ask me a question, the problem is not what to say... but where to start.