addiction

Why did she always let this happen? Allow him to break her heart and then fall for his apologies... only to be forgotten again a couple of weeks later. Everytime he said it would be different... he really did care, he really did want them to be together, he sincerely wanted to try to make it work. Wrong. All he wanted was sex, and she was nieve enough to think that if she gave it to him...if she told him how much she loved him, he would stick around.
He didn't care about her, he didn't care how she felt. All he cared about was her body, and getting laid when no one else was around. As soon as another girl was available... he was gone as quick as a sprinter from the blocks. No "I'm sorry", no "you deserve better"...just him saying, "Thanks... we both knew a relationship would never work out anyways." And she would silently nod and watch him leave.
How could she be in love with someone who treated her so horribly? How could she be in love with someone...who didn't love her back? She knew why. At one point he had been a different person, and he had cared for her and only her. He had genuinely been interested in her thoughts and feelings and not just how many times they could have sex in one night. At one point... he had loved her.
She didn't know where that guy had gone... but she was so caught up in trying to get him back that she let him beat her down, time after time... even though the weeks that followed were accompianed by never-ending tears.
It had been 3 months since the last occurence and now here she was finally drifting off to sleep when the phone rang.
"Hello?" She answered groggily.
"Dana it's Ben. I'm coming over." the voice said before hanging up, not even giving her time to respond.
It was him. Oh God it was him and he was coming over right now... at 2 o'clock in the morning. Damnit. She couldn't let him do this to her again. She was just finally starting to realize that she deserved better... she was forcing herself to get over him and now he had to call. God, what was she going to do? She was going to do the only thing she could do. Make him leave. When he got here, she would tell him that she was no longer going to be his fuck buddy. She was no longer going to be a phone call away anytime he was so horny that he couldn't last any longer without sex. It was done... she had let her heart get broken too many times, and she knew if she let it happen again, she wouldn't be able to handle it. 20 minutes passed before the doorbell rang. She took a deep breath before walking to the door.
As she opened it the cold winter air hit her instantly, and her thin tanktop did nothing to keep her warm. Good, she thought subconsciously... make him realize what he's missing. She saw him standing there, and he greeted her with that famous smile. God, why did he have to be so gorgeous.
"Hey babe." He said as he moved to step inside; but she held her arm out across the door.
"No Ben. You're not coming in." She responded, shivering. Her legs, clad in boy-shorts, began to shake.
"What do you mean I'm not coming in?" He asked, and his brow wrinkled like it did when he was on the verge of becoming angry.
"You're not coming in." She repeated. "I'm done with letting you pick me up whenever you god damn feel like it. I'm not just going to let you in whenever you need to get laid. I loved you Ben, but the person I fell in love with is gone, and I don't want anything to do with who you are now. So I want you to leave. Now." She took a deep breath...hardly believing she had just said that.
He stared at her for a second then started to laugh. She didn't know what was going on. How was that funny? She looked at him, puzzled, as he continued to roar with laughter. Finally he stopped abruptly, the smile gone.
"You think that after all this time I'm just going to let you tell me what to do. I don't think so Dana. I've been telling you what to do for the past year, and tonite its not going to be any different. I came for something, and I'm not leaving until I get it." With that he shoved his way in, grabbing her in his arms before he closed the door.
"No Ben." She said pleading and scared. "I said leave."
He didn't listen. He picked her up and carried her upstairs to her room... yet not easily. She cried the whole way, trying to free herself from his grasp, but achieving nothing. She had always admired his strong arms, and now... she hated herself for ever thinking those arms would keep her safe.
Once in the bedroom he flung her onto the bed, climbing on top of her and pinning her arms down before she could even respond. By this point she was crying uncontrollably and she knew she no longer had any control of what he was about to do.
He pulled off his shirt with one hand, and then moved to hers. She pushed at him, making the decision right then that she would not make this easy for him, but after a few minutes of struggling she was wearing nothing. His boxers remained and she knew he was going to torture her before doing what he had come to do. She was right.
He moved his mouth next to her ear, the whole time holding her body down with his, not allowing her to move an inch.
"Hey Dana. This is fun huh? I don't know why you wanted me to leave... I think you and I are going to have a great time tonight." As he spoke she felt him slide his fingers inside of her... roughly, moving around inside of her like he was digging for something. She gasped in pain and the tears were now falling without any sign of stopping.
Then he grabbed for her breasts; squeezing hard, giving no second thoughts to the pain he was causing. His mouth moved to them... sucking, biting, and she knew she would have bruises. She tried not to think about what was happening... She tried to pretend that she was someplace else, but it was near impossible. After what seemed like hours, he finally pulled off his boxers and pushed himself inside of her. She had never felt anything so painful, so rough. He had never been like this before, and now he was making her pay for telling him how she had felt for so long. God, either way she lost. Would she ever free herself from him? Would she ever feel whole again? Would she ever be able to move on; especially after this?
Finally he pulled out. She was shaking and still crying and he got up and looked at her like she was the most pathetic thing she had ever seen. He looked at her, and he smiled.
"Thanks Dana. Like always...its been great." And with that he got dressed and walked out of her room. She heard the front door slam, and his car drive away. She sat up, wrapped her arms around her legs and cried.
How had she ever loved him? He was the worst guy she had ever met... and now she was left to deal with the consequences of ever giving him her heart. That night she cried herself to sleep, not even taking time to get dressed. In her dreams she was safe, and in the morning she realized...
That night she finally had found a reason to stop loving him.