pretenders

we all like to pretend. we like to pretend we're things we're not. maybe to disguise characteristics of ourselves we aren't proud of, or rather are afraid for others to see. we pretend because we're afraid that people might see past the layers, past the disguises - and see the real us. whats hidden beneath the surface. the things we pretend aren't there, but really they are so much a part of us that they're eating us alive. we can't ignore them. so we approach them and deal with the them in secret, stepping out from amidst the shadows and facing what lies within us. here in our solace we cry. we yell. we question. we try so hard to get rid of those things that make us human, that cause us to feel. cause us to have emotion - give us the option to love, to care, to give, to laugh, to experience things we never thought possible. because sometimes, things would be so much easier without the mushy parts. the parts that can cause us to be strong, but often makes us feel so weak. we feel as if we're going to fall over, break at any moment - all because we feel something. so in affect we pretend. we smile and go about our days as if nothing can bring us down, that there is nothing standing in our way of happiness. we have fun, we joke, we hang out with our friends and it appears as if we are strong. and thats how we want them to think we are. all of us do. so when do we stop pretending? who do we trust enough to see us without the disguises, amidst all of the garbage and the beauty that makes us who we are. that makes us individuals. it takes a lot of strength to let people in. and sometimes those same people you let in are the same ones that make you want to dissapear and keep on pretending. we share bits of our hearts, pieces of our minds, our bodies, our souls - all in hopes that someone will simply share back, let us in, and simply be there when we need them to be. sometimes all it takes is a hug, a smile, or maybe just a few words that let us know people see beyond the surface. that there is more than meets the eye - and no matter how horrible people may treat you, they still see it. and sometimes its okay to stop pretending, even for a moment. we have to take down the disguises, and be honest with ourselves and the people around us. or else we end up denying people the opportunity to see our true colors, and we lie to ourselves about what we really want. we're all pretenders. but sometimes - you have to learn how to just be yourself.