so much has changed.

college is one of those amazing, brand new experiences. everyone says college is the time of your life, and the time where you meet the people who will be your friends forever and realize which ones from high school actually mattered in the first place.

when you put distance between people, you are forced to figure out who is willing to stay in touch, who cares enough to pick up the phone and call, or simply send a text saying - i'm thinking of you. the people you thought were your friends in high school, might turn out to be people you will never really talk to or see again. college lets you know who you're true friends are. and in the process of staying connected to the people who we've grown comfortable with over the years, we start to meet new people. over the course of the first year in college, suddenly you have new best friends. people who you have only known for a few short months become the people you turn to, become the ones who you want to spend all your time with. these people are the ones who are constantly around - all it takes is a walk down the hallway or a few short minutes to stop by and say hello. living in community with one another, you grow very close to those around you. and it is - it's an amazing experience.

so then what happens when school ends for the year, and people go their seperate ways for the summer? its definitely something i wasn't ready for, and really didn't think about. the world at school and the world left behind back at home, are two completely different things. different people, different activities. and i'm torn between being anxious to go home, and sad about leaving the place i have called home for the past 8 months, and the people who have come to be a constant part of my everyday life. the people here are the ones who have come to know me for who i have become while being here - some of them have seen the ways i have changed, and i feel as if i have a support system that really knows me. i'm scared i'm going to go back and ignore who i have become, and fall into the old pattern of how people used to know me, and who i used to be.

its bittersweet. i miss home. i miss my old friends. i miss the things we do during the summer - and i'm so ready to do those things. go camping, go to the lake, bike riding on thursday nights. hanging out, taking pictures, iced coffee on hot days, working... but i am really sad to leave these people behind. and leaving the dorms just signifies the end of a way of life that i will never have again. as much as you say you're going to see people next year, its different with different schedules and people living in different places. i'm afraid people are going to change. idk. i don't really know what to think.

college definitely is an amazing experience, but its also a time in your life when you are stuck between the past and the future. the old familiar, and the new familiar. home, and home? both mean something, and yet each holds two completely different things. i just don't know where i fit the most...