this is about today, soon to be a yesterday.

we all have those days. like the one i just had. you know the ones i'm talking about? the ones where you have all these expectations, you wake up and think - this is going to be a good day. today i will do things. today i will have fun. today i will spend time with the people i love. today will be great. and you start your morning off with a hot peppermint chocolate latte and indulge a re-run of your favorite show, just to get things off to a good start - before finally getting off your ass and preparing for the oh, so wonderful day to come. and then you wait, for the phone call that has been promised to be dialed. the one you are promised to be receiving. time passes and it doesn't come. just a few more hours i promise. so you wait some more. meanwhile, there is another promised phone call that could come at any time so just maybe they will call first. there is still hope. and then hope dies. 5, 6, 7 hours later and you realize your day has passed. it is dark outside. and you have barely moved from this morning. and yet - no one calls, and they will not. so in an attempt at regaining sanity you will try another option, try another source of enthusiasm and enjoyment - yet that also fails you. leaves you getting into your car with tears streaming down your perfect face, you know - the one you took time to put makeup on, surrounded by the hair you made sure to curl, for your oh, so wonderful day. and so you waste gas, that is only $1.55 at the moment, but still gas used for nothing more than an anecdote to your heart that feels like its breaking, to your eyes that are staining your clean glasses, to your hands that are clenching the steering wheel, to your music that is cranked up as loud as it can go so that not even you can hear your pathetic sobbing. is it really something to cry about? i do not know. but that is not really the question is it. the question is, why does this matter so much? what do you want? well - you are in fact desperate. have been desperate for the past few months to experience that time of belonging, the type of need that comes only from those you care about the most. the kind that is only shaken by the people you miss the most. and those people - well those people are the calls you never received. so in fact your desperation has been greeted with dissapointment and broken expectations which, results in a emotional disaster that leaves you feeling quite empty, and quite sad. hours later, you cry at a television program that is barely heartwrenching at all. and that is all a part of a day. wasted? perhaps. or perhaps you just discovered something about yourself - that you're hurting worse than you care to admit, and that your desperation, your need to feel something, is more than you've realized. here - you are supposed to be loved. and what happens when we don't receive that love. well, we break. we fall. and we go to bed - praying that tomorrow will be better. and that today's dissapointments will not carry over. for when tomorrow morning comes, today will only be a yesterday. and it will be gone... so what of it?