rambling holiday thoughts.

"your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace and your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace"

in the light of christmas, and the feelings associated with it, i felt compelled to write (surprise surprise). for those who hold ties to our Savior, we are told to remember the true meaning of christmas as we go through the day - to remember Jesus being born, to come and save the world, and to eventually die for all our sins. wow, right? yet, we get caught up in the hustle and bustle - and presents, who got what. me, i got a new camera and a new ipod, both which i am extremely grateful for. but more than that, i am thankful for my parents. for my family. for the significance of the day. and also the missing pieces. its hard to celebrate a day centered on family and togetherness when one of your loved ones is no longer able to be a part of it. every year, my aunt and my mom used to exchange calenders. and every year, me and my aunt would make cut-out cookies. last year, i made them by myself and cried the whole time, practically. this year, my mom helped a little - and half way through i was so overcome with emotion that i had to go downstairs. i threw up. its overwhelming sometimes, her absence. christmas eve service had me choking back tears when silent night was sung, her favorite. opening presents today, now only from my uncle who left them before he went out of town... was hard. my mom still got her calander, which is just a reminder of her absence. and she has no one to give one too. there were once again tears. the holidays are harder than any other times, and i just think - we should be thankful for those who still touch our lives on a daily basis, or even those who grace us with their friendship. each day is a gift. every day. not just christmas, but this time of year seems like when we remember things things more than others. i like to think that i make a difference. i would like to think that as this year comes to a close, i have touched people's lives in the past year. because i know for sure, that many people have touched mine. and to those people i say thank you. thank you for sticking by. thank you for putting up with me, even when i am rude. when i am unappreciative. when i take for granted what i have. thank you for holding me through the tears. through the hard times. for loving me. for thats what God wants us to do isn't it? be there. to love with our whole hearts. like He does. made in His image, we should act in His image. it is not so much about the words we speak, but the actions we present. we spread His love through ourselves. and that's what we should remember today. i definitely do. my aunt was an inspirational part of my life. she touched me in ways i can't even explain. there will always be a hole in my heart, and even though as time goes on it starts to heal... it will never be the same. she was self-less. she cared for others. she prayed for others. she was gentle. kind-hearted. soft-spoken. slow to anger, and full of love. i want to leave a legacy like that. and so i ask myself today - am i being who i want to be? am i making a difference? am i showing God's love? or am i focused on myself, and caught up with all my silly "problems" that i have lost what is important. i don't know. i know that i am not completely on track... more off to the side, lost a little to the left. i can see the path. or at least a glimpse of light through the clearing, but i can't seem to get there right this second. sometime soon perhaps. who knows. i certainly do not. but even though i am not quite there - i still know that God is watching over me. that He is waiting. and all the things i have always known, are still true - even if i don't see them, or feel them. He gives us these times as reminders, and maybe as provokers towards our true potential - to make us remember what really counts. for its not the presents under the tree, the giant piece of pie, or a holiday drink - its the promise. He will always be there. when He sent His son, through mary He gave us a choice to have faith, to believe, and to trust. so what will you choose? no matter where you are - God's grace is sufficient. He is holding out His hand, no matter how long it takes you to reach it. He will not grow weary. You are, I am, His child.