what are you afraid of?

"Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are." - Don Miguel Ruiz

1. I am afraid of icy roads, winding corners, highways covered with blowing snow and fog
2. I am afraid I like Qdoba way too much for my own good :)
   
3. I hate swimsuits.
   
4. I am afraid I'm going to get in a car accident, and wake up in the hospital barely there...
   
5. I am afraid of passing cemi's on the interstate
6. I am afraid of sleeping past my alarm, missing an important class, being late for work
   
7. I am afraid of getting fat, or gaining more weight than i think is acceptable... than people think is acceptable...
8. I am afraid I care what people think more than I let on
9. I am afraid that sometimes I drink too much
10. I am afraid that sometimes I'm too emotional for my own good, but after years of trying to turn it off, I have realized it is who I am, and there is nothing I can do about it
    
11. I am afraid of graduating college and not finding a job, just because I followed my dream to pursue English - and then
    
12. I am afraid of hearing "I told you so"
    
13. I am afraid of transferring schools next semester, of going someplace completely brand new and not knowing anyone, even though I know its what I need to do
    
14. I am afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone
15. I am afraid that only a few people know who I really am, and there are so many things I keep hidden that I wish I could share with the world
16. I am afraid of losing someone else that I love, every day when I realize how much of a hole is left in my heart after my Aunt passed away, I am afraid to wake up to find it happening all over again...
    
17. I am afraid of dying young, and not so much the dying part but leaving behind parts of me that matter. I want to make a difference. I want to make an impact on the world and the people around me. I want to be the best person I could possibly be. I want to die, holding on to Jesus and all His promises - and I am afraid that right now I would not be ready for that to happen.
18. I am afraid that I am losing the people I care about the most, whether its because we are growing up and changing, or that I am putting in less effort than I should be - what if someday soon I no longer have many of the friends I now care so much about? My friends are my life, more than they probably should be, but I am not good on my own - and I need them. I need them more than I probably express, and I am so so afraid of losing them.
19. I am afraid that my guy friends will soon disappear out of my life to girls who they actually care about in a romantic sense (it has happened so many times before, so why should I be surprised that it will happen again?) I would much rather talk to guys, hang out with guys, confide in guys - but will that backfire to one day when they choose their significant others over me? Leaving me all alone with no one...
    
20. I am afraid my life holds little significance, and that more often lately than not I get caught up in the little temporary satisfactions (the drinking, the socializing, the late nights) and lose sight of what really matters. I choose sleep after a long night than getting up and going to church with my family. damn...
21. I am afraid that I put so much time into my words, so much time into what I write on this screen, and so much hope into what might become of it - that maybe I am not as talented as people say that I am. That these words are simply that - words, and me and the combination of them will never amount to anything. Then where will I be?
22. I am afraid of growing up. Already I have thought about getting my masters, not just because I want it so incredibly bad, but to postpone the real world just a couple more years. In practically two years I will be graduating college. The last two years have gone by so fast, that I don't know how I am ever going to be ready when the time comes. We are getting older, but yet still so young to know anything...
    
23. I am afraid I'm not the best sister I could be, and I wish that I could connect to my brother more - but I feel like I fail time after time, and I am worried where our relationship will end up when we both have lives of our own.
    
24. I am afraid of people reading this, people who are so close to me - yet have no clue what I do on this blog, or that it even exists. I guess, I wish I wasn't so afraid to let them read it, because in reality - they are the people I want to know the depths of me. to really understand parts of me that I have a hard time saying out loud, but that are relatively easy to put on paper.
25. I am afraid of blogger deciding one day that they can no longer function, the sight crashing, and losing all these pieces of me that are only kept safe online
26. I am afraid there is so much more I could say, but right now... I just can't.