An Old Dirt Road.

1 Samuel 2:9 - "The Lord safeguards the steps of His faithful ones, but wicked people are silenced in darkness, because humans cannot succeed by their own strength."

This road is worn and long, dirt and dust drift upwards as my shoes kick their way between steps. I am moving slowly today, taking my time down this beaten path. I kick rocks, the way I used to do when I was a child. Kick and follow. Kick and follow. Kick and move on. Walking is more than just a way to get from one place to another, it becomes a game of give and take. If you walk alone, who or what will you encounter along the way? I see fields of yellow and the sky is blue but nowhere do I see You. Barbed-fire fences form a never-ending line on either side of me, separting me from the fields that stretch their way across the plains.

I stop for a moment and imagine I am Laura Ingalls Wilder from Little House on the Prairie, skipping across the fields back to home where people love me. In the places I will never see are the things I have always wished to know. There are the depths of my imagination. There are the desires of my soul.

I long to sit for awhile and wait for something to happen, for someone to come along and walk with me. I long to sit and rest, reflect on who I am. Sometimes it all looks the same and I find I've traveled miles without really noticing anything at all. I skip through life trying to find where I belong. I rush past the familiar in search of what I have yet to know. Life seems thrilling when you're constantly being surprised. But I often wonder what it would be like to have some sense of security. To stop waiting for surprises and to simply have a little faith that it was all going to work out in the end.

I walk down this road alone waiting to find You again. The skyline is dark blue, haunted by clouds waiting to rain down drops of destruction. There is only field and no shelter. I wonder where I will hide when it hits. I see another rock and imagine it is a treasure. I imagine it holds the answer. Kneeling to the ground, I pick it up. Its surface is scratched and its color has faded. Perhaps it was once bright red, but the earth has dulled its shine. Now it blends in with all the rest, no longer subject to recognition. Maybe it used to be beautiful but I will never know. Just like I will never know what I used to be. I walk down this road and I forget where I've been.

I was once told what could make me alive again. I remember hearing about love, a love that never ends. When I was little I believed I could be new again. Perhaps it was because I wasn't so tainted then. It was easier to imagine I was worth forgiving. Now it's hard to understand why anyone would want to find me. I am as dirty as this path, worn and used by those who gave me promises they could never keep. I have been stepped on, dulled down, and kicked around. Kick and follow. Kick and follow. Kick and move on. Never learning, always hoping that one day it would be different.

My feet seem to move on their own, comfortable within familiar shoes. I look down and walk on, no longer paying attention to what lies ahead. There is nothing to see. No one to find. I look down and wait for the path to end. I am sick of dust and dirt and hurt. I look down and walk slowly through life. I look down and try to find some strength to continue on. Perhaps I will die here on this road, looking down at the ground.

I remember something I learned when I was a child. I'm skipping across sidewalks and the skyline is bright with color against the setting sun. I am carefree and my shoes are clean. The world has not yet reached me or corrupted my open heart. I remember something. I remember and I look up.

I stop walking. I look up. I'm not alone. You found me.