"I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what's gonna happen or, who I'm gonna meet, where I'm gonna wind up... I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you... to make each day count." -- Jack, Titanic
Titanic is on ABC Family. Am I watching it? Guilty. I am not sure why I don't own it on DVD, considering it is one of my favorite movies of all time. But since I do only have the VCR version and I no longer own a VCR... I'm taking advantage of a moment to fall in love all over again. Like I do every time. One of the greatest movie love stories of all time. Makes me want to fall in love myself... Alas. This is not an entry about love. This is not even an entry about Titanic. This is an entry about life. Say what you will about the movie, but I think Jack holds some truth in the quote. Truth that is worth considering and remembering.
Every morning I wake up is a gift given to me by God. Every moment I breathe is a gift from God. The simple fact that I am living is a gift. And how many times do I forget that? How many times do I take that for granted? I tend to see life in a series of steps. Today -- relax, run, do homework, talk to the ones I love. Tomorrow -- go to school. Next weekend -- work. Next month -- Spring break. 3 months from now -- graduation. Life is a series of steps. And how many times do we simply float through life until we reach the next one? Is not what we do in-between each change a matter of importance in itself? You never know what tomorrow has to bring.
I have been hiding from life and from God lately. Mostly, because I'm scared. I'm scared of the future. I'm scared of real life. I'm scared I will get to the end of this step in my life and realize I'm inadequate, not worthy of continuing on, devoid of direction. My dad told me tonight that I'm avoiding the concept of graduation. I didn't respond, because he is right. Graduation seems to mean needing a plan. Picking a path. Deciding my future. And, I'm not ready. And truth be told, that's okay. As long as I am wholeheartedly seeking God in the process. But I have been scared of that too. I think I'm afraid of where He is going to lead me. Of what He is going to show. Of what doors He is going to close and open. I know He has the answers, but I haven't wanted to hear them.
But the truth of the matter is that God is the only one who knows what tomorrow brings. Life is a series of questions. God is the answer. I don't want to waste my days by not following Him. I don't want to spend my life being afraid. Take life as it comes at you. Make each day count. And do it by following God. More than that, do it by serving God. Know that life is not meant to be easy. But take comfort in knowing that it wasn't easy for Jesus either.
Jesus Christ suffered, so will you, so will I. Jesus Christ was betrayed by the ones He loved. The same will happen to us. Jesus Christ had bad days. So will we. Jesus Christ experienced pain. He experienced sadness. He experienced feeling alone in this world. To follow Jesus, we must recognize that we will experience similar hardships. But that we also behold the same promises... We are not alone. We will never be alone. Joy comes with humility - to humble ourselves before the Father so that we may experience Him the way He intended. With honesty. With truth. With grace. With mercy. With faith.
Turning over my fear to God is a day by day choice, a choice that I sometimes choose not to make. But believe me when I say surrender is the best choice there is. Those are the days I make it count. Those are the moments I see the gift for what it is. I don't know what is going to happen next. I don't know where my life is going to go from here. But, looking to my Father for direction, I can take steps without being afraid.
4 comments:
And I thought that Jesus suffered so that all the ones He loved may prosper and see the truth.
Everyday is a new day, just like no moment is stale. Nice read Ann. And run no matter how much you may, you have to return to yourself only. :)
Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete
I believe you are right as well. He died so that we may have life and live eternally with Him. But the earth is a cruel place and it would be foolish to think choosing to walk with Him is going to be easy... Yet, that it is what brings us even closer to Him. Relying on Him in the good and the bad : )
Thanks for the comment. I appreciate it.
I feel your pain. I had such a hard time with college graduation. I felt that I needed to have a plan and it stressed me out that I didn't. Only now, almost 3 years later, am I beginning to try to figure out just what God wants for my life by truly opening up more and considering moving options.
@Jill That is so encouraging you have no idea. I know that God has a plan for my life I just wish people would understand that doesn't necessarily mean something huge (aka a steady job) right away. Just because the world puts you on a step by step plan doesn't mean that is God's plan. :) Thank you.
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