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he was her best friend. the guy who had been there for the past four years of her life. through thick and thin. what had started as an initial attraction had turned into something deeper. she had trusted him with everything. no matter how long it had been since the last time they had talked, she always knew she could call him if there was no where else to turn. if she asked, he would come - ready to help in any way he could. even if that just meant a listening ear and a caring hug. she had always wondered if there was something more - but throughout the years there had always been other guys who had attracted her attention. guys he seemed to never like or approve of. she never seemed to pay attention. all she knew was that he was still always there, whether or not she was attached to someone else.

one night amongst a chaos of unexplainable hurt, and drunken actions - he was there. there to hold her as she once again poured out her heart. and for the first time - there was something more than friendship in the situation. four years later, they shared their first kiss. both affected by alcohol she played it off as not a big deal and willed for it to never happen again. she was happy that he had been there on that night, but she felt awkward about what had happened, and wished they had just continued going the way they always had. she sweared that was the beginning and the end.

yet what fun are mistakes unless they are made again? mistakes are never learned the first time. they should be... but it is unlikely. and so fast-forward a few months and there they were again. three nights of pure physical interaction. nothing big, nothing she hadn't done before... in fact less than she had done before... but it was intense. and it felt wrong. she knew she had to get out. she knew that it would never work. and so she ended it. amidst tears and confusion... she walked away. best decision of her life. for only after did she began to see him for who he really was.

that trustworthy guy she knew - compulsive liar. not thinking twice about hurting someone. constantly changing his story. getting caught every time. lucky enough to have friends who knew him as well she began to learn the truth. he had never been who she thought he was. and thats what hurts someone the most - realizing that something thought to be worth so much effort, was actually never worth it at all. in the end, it would have been better to never get involved in the first place, because the pain and hurt that comes with the final blow is unlike any ever imagined or possible. but how would she have ever known that? she had invested emotions into that friendship. and now thinking about him makes her sick. every message she sees on facebook that she ignores makes her cringe. she can't stand to think of the kisses she gave him because thinking of it makes her sick to her stomach. to be able to see into people before you get to know them would save a person a lot of heartache. but then how would people learn to trust?

taking chances. giving away pieces of yourself. its scary. it could end in tragedy. but its a chance that has to be taken... or else fear would run our lives. and we would never get anywhere.