re-run

it was just another day. and this was just another moment. one of those hold your breath and stare moments... the kind they put in movies to get you to pay attention. to tell you that this is important. this is a make or break situation, and you have no control over what the outcome will be. all you can do is watch. watch her as she gets into her car and pull out of the driveway. the tears are streaming down her face... but there is nothing you can do. your chance to speak has passed. those small seconds you had to make her hurt lessen are gone. she is driving away and you have no idea where she is going...

[god damn i hate him. everyone thinks he is so nice. so caring. and yet he is just like every other guy... how could i be so stupid? because i always fall for the charm. i am one of those people who are optimistic enough to say that this one is gonna be different. this time i am going to be the girl who walks away with him holding my hand. this time it won't end with tears... i have been hurt enough in the past, surely it won't happen again. it just can't. oh but it did. fuck. i just want to scream. expose my heart and yell at him - at all of them. for all the times i have spent putting myself back together, and still seeing the scars, day after day... never being able to forget. when will my time come? this scene is getting old. i want a new episode. something that hasn't been done before. oh please god...]

somewhere between the moment she got in her car (she began to realize that life is full of re-runs. people take comfort in seeing them because at least they know how they will end. and what can be done afterwards. we keep watching them over and over again until something new airs that grabs our attention. sometimes it takes a long time to find something that has the same grasp on you. and so the problem lies in how patient you are. how long you are willing to wait. she was crying. the tears rolling down her face. she just didn't know how much more she could take... oh!) and the crash.

suddenly the pain stopped. everything stopped. the car stopped upside down in the ditch. the car that saw her cross the intersection and get hit by the oncoming car stopped. the car that had hit her - spun and stopped. a woman in her mid-fifties got out of the damaged vehicle. a young man got out of the other. they both ran to her car. tried to see if she was okay. she wasn't moving. her eyes were closed and hands drooped lifelessly down. she hung suspended from her seatbelt. the woman got on her cell phone.


and the young man - began to cry.