hurt/pain

why is it that the things that hurt us the most are the things we hold on to harder than the rest? the experiences that have brought us to our knees, brought us to bottom, the ones we wish would dissapear from our minds... why are they the ones that we always remember? it seems like the times that have brought us pain are the ones we can remember perfectly, moment by moment. we seem to replay them in our minds... as if some unseen aspect will jump out at us and suddenly we will understand why things happened that way. as if, by thinking about it over and over we will be able to find the answer we have been searching for since the instance it happened.

yet it drives us crazy. we just want to be able to let it go, but thinking about it makes us holder on harder than ever. being able to remember the pain, makes it stay real. and keeping it real, makes us stay alive. in order to live, we have to be able to experience all sorts of emotions. happiness, sadness, frustration, joy, pain, hurt... and a lot of things can make us smile. even if its only for an instant. a friendly wave, the sun in the sky, laughter from a friend... happiness will always come back around, but pain makes us feel something more.

pain is not something that happens for an instance; it is something that stays with us long after the moment has past. it impacts us in a way that all other feelings can't. it is different. it causes us to self-reflect and analyze our lives, focus on our decisions, and where we went wrong. pain is why people change, why they give up, or why they get stronger. the hurt ignites something in us that makes us burn. and it sucks... but we can't let it go.

and since it will always be a part of us, the real question boils down to how we will deal with it. it's okay to keep it close to you, but only if you are letting it make you a better person. if you are taking that hurt and remembering how much you don't want to feel it again... once is enough. or at least that is the hope. we've all heard the saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer... well how about, keep happiness near, but pain right by your side. don't let it eat you alive, for that is not the purpose. but let it propel you forward. let it be a constant reminder of a time you wish to never relive. and let that be the fuel that changes you into a better, wiser person.