KLM.

i have almost an entire cd case devoted to you. or rather, half a case comprised of your generous contribution to my music repertoire. and, even though i lost the first and most important... i have a case of m---- loves k---. my own personal entourage of mixes. and bands. burned, from you. for me. it is, a case of variance, not only in the genres of music represented, but also in the feelings they symbolize - a case of caring. a case of healing. a case of smiles. a case of "keep me forever's". a case of musical drugs, mending any kind of pain and speaking to any pleasure. yes, musical drugs: the kinds of songs that can conform to any mood. the kinds of songs that tear you apart and at the same time, put you back together. songs that bring you to tears, even without knowing why. songs that you are addicted to for periods of time - days, weeks, months. you put them on repeat. you can't get enough. and when you move on to something else, somehow, your original loves find you once again. musical drugs: they touch your heart and warm your soul. they reach deep within and grasp a hold of all the unspoken words you barely knew existed... they pull out your insecurities and leave them out in the open, and somehow it’s okay. they make you feel safe. they make you comfortable with the unknown. suddenly, feeling is no longer something to fear. suddenly, you want more.

in a way, that’s what you do to me. you reach inside and pull out pieces of myself that i never even knew existed. you challenge who i am, and who i want to be. you hold me accountable. you make it okay to feel, to struggle, to speak... there will never be another you. you're like a musical drug. you can't be replicated. can't be explained. (mr. amazing) my own secret smile, wrapped inside my head and buried within my heart. you send me songs for every tear, every smile, every question. like little paper planes, unfolded, read, and heard; playing through my speakers, seeping inside... how do you know me so well? this is how my heart beats. and this is how you beat back. time after time. without fail. our conversations, always a multitude of possibilities. they reach deep. dance along the surface. bounce from, lighthearted. to serious. flirtatious. honest. questioning, and then back again. and, how is it? words flow like water into wine. no longer bland... suddenly you can taste it, whatever it is. sometimes, sweet. bitter. strong. weak. but, it gets to your head. you can feel it. it’s unexplainable. our friendship – unique, indescribable, yet perfect. "theatre couldn't write stories so fantastic as this one..."

and words can’t describe stories as fantastic as this one, i don’t believe there are a combination of words superior enough to describe how our friendship began, how it has grown, and how it continues to surprise me on a day to day basis. even now, i believe my words are failing the subject matter. i have read and re-read, inserted and deleted, all in hopes of making this somewhat appealing, somewhat worthy of the content it describes. perhaps, i have succeeded, and perhaps, i will try again down the road – with more vigor. for now, i can't find a combination of words strong enough to thank you... and at this moment i am unsure that i ever will. i am a better person because of you. you stuck by me, even through the roughest parts of my past, and you’re there in the most unsure moments of my present. you pushed me forward when everyone else was counting on me to fall. you cared when i didn't. you spoke truth when i believed in a lie. you were a light, even when you didn’t even know it. you influenced me, through words – spoken and unspoken. you reached inside and moved my heart... and i will never be the same.

they say: every song ends, but that’s no reason not to enjoy the music. i say: a song only ends if you want it to. so, play on. keep singing. show me something new. move my heart again.