Jesus Loves ME

As believers in Christ, we are called to be disciples to those around us... being examples for Jesus, being a light in the world, clearly displaying our faith for all to see. We are to live life fully for God, serving and living for Him... in everything we do. We are to live only for Him. As much as you want to be able to serve God during times A, B, and C and do what you want to do during all the other times... it doesn't work like that. You cannot serve two masters. We hear these words and we nod and say, "Ya I know that." "That makes perfect sense"... "of course."

Yet do we really live those words??

I guess I've been really struggling with that lately. (among other things) All of this "stuff" in my life has been suffocating me and in the midst of it all is the question... "Am I truly serving God??" I could sit and pretend I don't know the answer... but in actuality: I do... without hesitation. And lately that answer has been bringing to my knees... crying out to Him, praying, quesitoning how my life has gotten to this point.

The answer... is No.

I have let a lot of garbage get into my life lately so that I can't fully and completely serve God with all of my heart. Theres this barrier between us... and I can jump to see above it all I want... but until I surrender all that"stuff" over to God... its never going to go away. Sure, I can repent whole-heartedly and the barrier can come down... but the second I decide to bring all that junk back in (the past mistakes, questioning my worth, the drinking, all the guy stuff, everything...): the barrier is back up again.

Everyone has ... "stuff."

We wouldn't be human if we didn't. The real test comes in what we choose to do with that "stuff." Do we surrender it over to God (giving it up to Him and giving up control)? Or do we hold onto it like a moldy security blanket (clearly ready to be thrown away, filthy and no longer clean... but still somehow appealing and so we refuse to put it down)? Its not an easy thing, even if it should be. I know in my heart God is the only one who can be in control of my life, the only one I can trust in completely, the only one I can truly place my burdens upon... yet theres this fear of letting Him do all those things. Sometimes its so unfathomable how much He loves me... and I have a hard time believing it, especially after all the mistakes I've made (and continue to make). Yet I know He does. And that in itself makes me break down.

Can you believe that God loves you no matter what... No matter how much you screw up, how unworthy you feel, and all the times you've broken His heart... He forgives you for it all. ALL OF IT. I think that is the most amazing thing ever.


Jesus loves me this I know...
Because He shows me everday...
I am weak
He is strong.
He is the only one to live for.