what to be???

utter confusion melts into the happy thoughts... creating this half real, half fake grin that wants to be big and small at the same time. the result is stressful and almost war-like.
"to be or not to be...that is the question."
to be confused, upset, and dissapointed we take certain steps. we dwell on the things that make us unhappy. we remember instances from our past in which we are not proud, or circumstances in which we wish the outcome would have been different, for one reason or another. and not only do we think about our present situation and past mistakes, but we also begin to question ourselves as individuals. asking if there is something that we don't seem to see that is causing all of this hurt and anguish. as if maybe it really is all our fault. something inside that radiates off of us screaming, "hurt me! let-me down! make me cry... i'm not worthy of any better."
sometimes its so easy to be that person sitting silently with a frown, contemplating all these thoughts and feelings that bring us down so simply... but is it easier in the long run???
to be happy, appreciative, and content is a totally different way to travel through life. and you know that road thats a lot harder to travel down, but worth it in the end?? ya. sometimes being happy is that road. sometimes you don't want to be cheery, and full of smiles. sometimes you just want to cry. yet, then there are those days that go by without a smile leaving your face. and you begin to realize how much you have to be grateful for in your life. your friends, your family, your home... etc. etc. everyone has countless and countless reasons to be happy. they just seem to be ignored at the times we need to acknowledge them the most.
life is full of laughter, and pain. for every wonderful moment that you have, there is no doubt that you can come up with a dissapointing memory to go along with it. thats just the way it is. life isn't easy, and sometimes it just doesn't seem fair. going up and down the emotional roller coaster, becomes so exhausting at times you feel as if your going to go plummeting off in order to stop all the sickness you sometimes feel. but you don't. you keep on moving. and truth be told, it will all be okay. maybe not today, maybe not next week, maybe not for a long time. but... it will be okay. one day you'll get the strength and the mentality to realize that you're fine. that you're strong enough to make it through all the crap that gets tossed in your face and you'll realize: you have a reason to be happy. you have a reason to smile... and gosh darnit. thats what you're going to do.