A Beautiful Somewhere.

"You know that place between sleep and awake; that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." -- Peter Pan

I often trick myself into believing I've forgotten about you, that I've forgotten to care. I make it through entire days without one recollection. I tell stories and none of them involve you. I get sad for other reasons. I smile in spite of your absence. I feel beautiful without your affirmation. I make it through entire days being who I am without you. Happiness is no longer fleeting and joy has become a choice I choose. A person should never control your emotions, one way or the other, and finally I'm reaching a place where your power is starting to fade. Avoidance helps but fulfillment helps more. I pour myself into other people and priorities. I focus on what I love, and I forget I ever loved you. One day you will be just a memory. A single bead on a string of people who used to mean something -- one of the ones who promised me more than they could give. I will think back to you with fond memories, but I will not dwell on what we were, because it wasn't special enough to last. I no longer remember our meet-cute, and someday soon I will not remember our demise.

I wonder if you will ever miss me. I wonder if it will happen when I've stopped missing you. For I have dealt with what was lost but I'm afraid you have yet to see what you're missing. There used to be a world full of possibilities on our doorstep. We once had a chance to gamble on love. In a moment of the past we were unbreakable. I wonder if you will ever see it for what it was. I wonder if you will ever fully realize what could have been. You were always full of promise. You were always stronger than I thought I would ever be. But now I'm the one picking up the pieces, while you're off on a brand new adventure. I wonder if you will ever miss me, but I'm afraid you've already forgotten who I was and what I meant to you. You used to love me. You used to say it too. But now those words are lost in the wind.

I can handle the daytime, but it is the night that still holds me captive. It is the darkness that brings me back to you. The late night chats we no longer have. The sleepless nights spent thinking of you. The music that used to calm now only tears at my sanity. You have ruined the most beautiful of songs. I can't listen to my iPod without catching too many glimpses of who we used to be together. I think of deleting you from my life - too many social networks and not enough places to hide. I see reminders without asking for them. You are off making girls feel special; the internet cruelly reminds me I am no longer one of them. There are snapshots of your life, and I am just another outsider looking in. The night finds me and I realize I have not escaped yet.

But then there are the dreams. When my body has found rest and my mind has found peace. That is where I find you. That is where we're whole again. We're back to before, when time stood still and life made sense. When you promised to always be there - when you actually meant it. In my dreams, you hold me like you used to. In my dreams, we laugh without knowing why. I find you on a summer's day. I crouch next to you in the snow. A song we both know so well plays on your stereo, and I sing at the top of my lungs. We waste hours away simply for the company. We lose sleep for the conversation. I see you smile, and I hear your voice. In my dreams, you are what you always were.

I don't have to forget. I don't have to miss you. I simply say, "I love you." Because I do, and, in my dreams, I can.