My journal is my safe-haven. It is a place where nothing has to make sense and the most personal of things are purged. My journal is my therapy session. My journal is my prayer zone.
I know I have been slacking on the blogging front, so I thought I would mix it up and let you all take a step inside my journal to the more sporadic and random ramblings of my thoughts. :)
“A notebook can be a clearing in the forest of your life, a place where you can be alone and content as you play with outrage and wonder, details and gossip, language and dreams, plots and subplots, perceptions and small epiphanies.” - Ralph Fletcher
Give me the little things. Always the little things. A small child with a heart for love. A smile from a stranger. Someone asking, really asking, if I'm okay. A free latte from a friend. A beautiful day in March - the feeling of summer rushes over me and I'm lost again in feelings of the year that has passed. A random CD is plucked and placed, and with it comes the chords I once loved. The lyrics bring me back. I am lost again in a reminiscent kind of joy. I travel back to the way things were. I feel the love spring up again.
Are feelings concrete or are they just ideas, facades of what we wish in our heart of hearts?
I continue to wonder where dreams come from. It is the little things. People that pop up in my unconscious moments and leave me guessing the rest of the real day. Why do they show up when I think I have forgotten? I wake to a marriage. I feel a stolen kiss on my lips. I fight for love, and I win. Is the reality of my dreams truer than the reality of my conscious? If I am still fighting in my dreams, does that mean I have yet to let go? I go to bed unable to stop thinking of one man, and wake to find I have dreamed of someone completely different. Do I simply want just to want? A little thing called love. I block it out and somehow it enters in again.
There are little things that make me think. Friends turned into lovers, lovers turned into friends. Random conversations. Random texts. A beautiful breeze. A song on the radio. Coincidences... if God makes everything happen for a reason, than are the dreams I remember worth reflecting upon? Are there words that still need to be said? These are the little things that clog my mind. They infiltrate my thoughts and leave me questioning what I know.
I want to write. I want to process. I want it all to make sense. Will it all ever make sense? I know it does on some level but am I recognizing the signs to hear and see what God has planned out for me?
There are all kinds of little things. A free meal. A random act of kindness. A closed door. An open window. A phone call from a friend. A verse of hope. There is no such thing as a coincidence. God places us in moments and situations for His glory, for His purpose. How many times do I brush off the little things that exist to point me towards Him?
There is a desire inside me. I have been feeling it all day. I want courage. I want to follow that feeling in truth, in humility, in full obedience. I shall not be ashamed of my Father and what He does in and through me. Give me the little things. The little voice that speaks when I need it most.
Oh, God, your little things are so BIG!
4 comments:
I've always found there's an inherent beauty in the words poured out in a journal, one that escapes the crevices of a blog or e-journal. There's something in splattering the emotions of the moment across a piece of paper that makes each word hold so much more weight, makes the beauty of the phrases form an even more perfect picture of what it is we're trying to say.
It's far more raw, more real, more honest than a blog because we know no-one sees it besides God and ourselves, unless we choose to allow another to see it. There's no necessity to dance along formalities, or worry about stepping on toes.
This was a beautiful entry, btw.
You are so completely right. :) Those are the reasons that I love journaling.
And thank you very much!
babe! thank you so much for your encouraging comments on my blog. i love it.
also, your journal is awesommme and your blog design rocks my socks.
LOVE THIS: god, your little things are so big.
much love xoxo
You are so welcome!
And thank you very much! Loves back. :)
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